The Need to Move Forward

I have been struggling for the last few weeks in the job hunt. I know the economy is bad and that it is not a direct reflection on me, but I am beginning to realize how important it is for me to move FORWARD. I have a job, get up every morning and have a place to go but the struggle every day to pay all the bills and the everyday expenses is getting to me. I am moving every day but I am not moving FORWARD. I just feel that I am going through the motions with no destination in sight. I have $3 in my pocket right now that has to last five days until pay day and 3 kids home for Easter vacation. Talk about frugal living all you want but when your income is cut more than 60% it is a disaster.

I have been blessed in that the times when it has been the worst, believe it or not, God did provide. Someone gave me a grocery store gift card or a check for some other reason was in the mail. I had a car accident 3 days after he was put in prison. That accident turned out to be a blessing. My car was totalled (eliminating 1 car payment) and the other drivers insurance paid off my car and gave me a check for minor injuries, so I had another unexpected check. However, at this point I am tired of hoping that a check will appear in the mailbox. I want to be able to count on a paycheck to pay bills and not other people.

I want to move beyond the community that I am currently in. I want to be able to walk into the grocery store and not wonder who I may run into. I don't like living my life that way and for the most part have not stopped living, but I need to move beyond all of that now. My children would like to be someplace where their lives have not been reported about in the paper and not everyone thinks they know what goes on in your house. I would like to attend a school activity and have people not speak to me because they don't know me, not because they are mad at my husband.

My husband can never come home to this community, so moving somewhere else is probably in our future and I am ready for the future to begin now. I want to start rebuilding our lives and moving beyond all the sorrow, grief and hatred. I am ready now...is anyone out there listening...I am waiting.