We never lived in the same communities as our families, but it was not originally by choice, it was more for economic reasons. Now I wonder if it would really matter. All we hear is "If you need anything just ask.", "If there is anything we can do, just let us know." well you know what, I am tired of listening to them make offers they have no intentions of keeping. I think they offer because they know I won't ask so they are off the hook. However, surprise to them, I have asked and everytime have been let down by them. Either they say they can't or they say they will and just never follow through. It makes us feel even more isolated than we need to.
My world is so much smaller now. The circle of friends has shrunk tremendously, not by my choice; and family seems so much further away, both physically and emotionally. What few friends remain, you hate to burden over and over again, it does not seem fair to them. The only ones who seem to remain unaffected by everything are the kids. My children's friends seem to go on as if all is normal. They still come over and eat everything that is not nailed down, joke with me about who likes whom, and beg and whine for a ride here or a lift there. It is in the lives of children that I find normalcy.
It is a reflection on society as a whole. Do we truly live in a vaccuum or does it take a village? Yes there are people who have been miracles to me and my children everyday, but at the same time many of the miracles I have experienced (and yes I do call them miracles, because anything that gives me hope that all is not lost is a miracle to me) have come from the kindness of strangers. Yes strangers, not from family, not from most friends, but people who have no idea who I am or what my story is. This gives me HOPE that there is a life out there beyond where we are now, beyond hatred, beyond fear, beyond poverty and beyond anger. It is a fleating thought for the moment but like a glimpse of a rainbow, it is seen for a moment and vanishes but leaves a feeling that remains long after the colors fade.
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Oh my gosh, as I sat here and read your story, it was a flash back, to the year 2001, when my youngest Son was arrested. He is serving 188 months, for a Drug Offense, he was a first time offender.
ReplyDeleteOur Justice System is a mess, we also paid an Attorney, and he was going to surrender my Son, if Charges were going to placed against him. However, they busted into our home, tore everything up, DID NOT FIND ONE THING, and held Guns on myself and Husband. No there was No Compassion, what so ever. To this day, I can not watch any shows that have COPS, DEA, SWAT, any of the Law Enforcement in them.
Yes, Friends fell off the face of the earth, Family became less and less, I then realized, we have Aquaintences in our Lives. I do not trust anyone, with Authority anymore.
I could go on and on, but your Story has truly touched my heart. Getting on Face Book, I have found people that are going through some of the same that I am. So many people are ready to Judge You, it is sickening.
My Prayers Are With You Kate, raising 3 Children, alone has to be very difficult, while your Husband is Incarcerated.
My Son's release date is 3/2015
With Love, Concern and Care,
Bobbi Jo
I just discovered your blog and I plan to read the entire thing. It is so wonderful to find someone who has put my feelings into words. My husband is serving time in a prison camp. We are a year into his 5 year sentence. It has been hard. I have great friends (not so great family). But, they don't really understand and they have their own lives. Thank you again for this blog. I just want you to know how much I appreciate it.
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