Is there help out there?

When this long journey began one of the first things I did was to go to the internet and try and find some type of support group. There are groups for alcoholics, spouses of alcoholics, children of alcoholics, drug addicts, mental health issues, illnesses, parenting, relationships and thousands of others, but I could not find a group for people whose spouses were accused and facing criminal charges. I was left dangling out there on my own trying to find my way down this path. This did not make sense to me. I could not possibly be the first person dealing with this situation, there had to be others ahead of me.

I immediately got my children in counseling and got a referral from my own physician for a counselor. I went to my first counseling appointment not knowing what to expect. I cried ALOT and yet I felt better. Was anything solved? No. Did she offer me any great words of wisdom? No. I did, however, have the opportunity to share my feelings with a totally objective person. I continued to see my counselor when funds would allow, but was she anything more than a person who listened to me? I really needed to talk with someone who had experience, who could really understand my feelings and thoughts. No one seemed to be out there...or atleast admit that they were out there.

My husband had been attending a voluntary program with a "Dr." that costs alot of money, based on the recommendation of his attorney. This was a hardship, but we believed that it would pay off in the long run. During his pre-sentencing treatment, the "Dr." and a co-worker decided they wanted to explore the "forgotten Victims", namely the spouses, I was thrilled. I was asked to participate in a research project and gladly showed up to the initial interview/meeting. It was wonderful sitting in a room with other women who knew exactly every emotion I had experienced. After leaving the meeting a small group of us continued to talk and share stories. We had been promised an opportunity to meet again. In the meantime, in preparation for my husbands sentencing, my husband advised the "Dr." that he was leaving the program to tie up loose ends. Well, apparently once my husband was no longer a paying customer I was dropped from the list. I have never heard from the "Dr." again and I guess I was dropped from the research project. Again I was left alone with no one to share with.

Here I am over 1 year since the journey had begun and I am just now starting to find people with similar stories and experiences. Why did it have to take so long? Are people so ashamed of their circumstances that they don't want to share? I would love to share my stories, feelings and experiences with anyone who would want to talk. I have nothing to be ashamed of and am tired of explaining myself to people who 'just don't understand'. If anything good can come from this trip that I am on, then I would feel that maybe it wasn't all bad.