― Mother Teresa
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Today's simple thought!
― Mother Teresa
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The Release
I have been arguing with myself over how much of this story I wanted to share. It was such an emotional experience, that part of me wants to keep it all to myself and yet part of me feels that it needs to be shared so others can know what to expect. As I sit here now I am not even sure how much I will end up sharing, so let the story continue.
The ten hour drive was thankfully uneventful. I listened to my book and enjoyed the quiet ride trying not to think about what lay ahead of me at the end of this trip. My husband had told me that his phone and email privileges would be shut off early that day so I would have no means of communication if there were any problems so it is understandable that I jumped out of my skin when my phone rang indicating a call from his number. It turns out, it was the phone contract company that serviced his special phone number. With all the extra calls in the last few weeks, I had gone over my extra minutes. How convenient, I got to tell them that I would no longer need their services. One step closer...
I arrived in town just as it started to get dark, due to a storm moving in. It was the same hotel that we always stayed in when visiting him, so it was nice to have a familiar place. I checked in, headed to the grocery store for dinner and snacks and then after eating headed to the fitness room. Spent an hour on the treadmill to work off all the energy and anxiety. While on the treadmill, the rain started down pouring, and with the skylights in the fitness center, I felt like I was in the middle of it all. (Especially when there was a leak in the glass seam and I was getting dripped on).
Trying to get to get everything done before bed, seemed like I would not have enough time for everything. But I was not even sure that I would be able to fall asleep at all. I did sleep, badly, but I was able to get some sleep anyway. Up before six and getting in the shower to get to the prison by 7:30am. I did not want to be late and have to make him wait any minute longer than necessary behind that fence.
I drove over to the prison one last time on a beautiful, sunny, Friday morning. I was the only car in the visitors lot and my stomach was so full of butterflies I probably could have flown there on my own energy. Around 7:45am I picked up the visitors phone like I was told to do and called to say that I was here to pick up my husband and that's when my stomach fell.
It was apparent that the man who answered the phone really had no idea what he was talking about, he advised me that I needed to call the phone number for the medium level facility. I hung up, dialed the medium while I listened to it ring and go unanswered, I knew that he was wrong, so I dialed the number for the low again. This time I got a lady, who was rather rude (not surprising if you are used to the COs in the federal system). She told me that she could not tell me anything since she did not know who I was so I should just sit and wait for someone to call me. So I waited. I watched a bus come and go, and my husband had told me that they try to get the pick ups out before the bus riders, so I started to get nervous. Leave it to the BOP to torture you up until the very last minute.
I watched the hands on my watch tick by. How long do I wait before I call back? Will I annoy them and then what? So I waited some more. I started texting a friend who knew I was waiting to help pass the time while keeping my eye on the exit door. I summoned up the courage and made another phone call. This time another lady was a bit nicer and told me to wait, he was getting out. THANK YOU. That is all I really needed to hear. I was afraid something had changed, and I had my phone number shut off yesterday, and no way to know that there was a problem.
So much for texting. I just called my friend because I needed to talk to someone. I was the only one there waiting for a release. I had been there almost an hour at this point. I kept my eyes glued to that front door. Would I even recognize him when he came out? Would they call me up to go get him?
Then I saw him!! My breadth was gone. My friend on the phone with me started crying, she could read so much in the sound of my voice. Instinctively I knew not to do anything stupid or uncontrolled, so I slowly got up from my bench and waited at the sign that says "No Visitors Beyond This Point". I hung up with my friend and waited. He came walking out the door, escorted by a guard. They were both talking and laughing, I was a bowl of jelly, but I waited. It seemed like the longest walk ever. Suddenly the guard stopped walking and my husband keep walking toward me. That hug was the greatest hug in the history of the world. I did not want to let go, but I was shaking so much. So much to say, but not here. I wanted to get out of there and never go back. I wanted to see that place in my rear view mirror and then erase any memories from my mind.
It took me hours to stop shaking, and I am amazed I was able to drive, but we made it back to the hotel for him to take a real shower and clean that place off him forever before heading out into the world for the first time as a couple in over 5 years. The next few days were awkward in many ways, but it was nice to have a few quiet days to ourselves before joining the real world and facing all the unknowns that were ahead of us
The ten hour drive was thankfully uneventful. I listened to my book and enjoyed the quiet ride trying not to think about what lay ahead of me at the end of this trip. My husband had told me that his phone and email privileges would be shut off early that day so I would have no means of communication if there were any problems so it is understandable that I jumped out of my skin when my phone rang indicating a call from his number. It turns out, it was the phone contract company that serviced his special phone number. With all the extra calls in the last few weeks, I had gone over my extra minutes. How convenient, I got to tell them that I would no longer need their services. One step closer...
I arrived in town just as it started to get dark, due to a storm moving in. It was the same hotel that we always stayed in when visiting him, so it was nice to have a familiar place. I checked in, headed to the grocery store for dinner and snacks and then after eating headed to the fitness room. Spent an hour on the treadmill to work off all the energy and anxiety. While on the treadmill, the rain started down pouring, and with the skylights in the fitness center, I felt like I was in the middle of it all. (Especially when there was a leak in the glass seam and I was getting dripped on).
Trying to get to get everything done before bed, seemed like I would not have enough time for everything. But I was not even sure that I would be able to fall asleep at all. I did sleep, badly, but I was able to get some sleep anyway. Up before six and getting in the shower to get to the prison by 7:30am. I did not want to be late and have to make him wait any minute longer than necessary behind that fence.
I drove over to the prison one last time on a beautiful, sunny, Friday morning. I was the only car in the visitors lot and my stomach was so full of butterflies I probably could have flown there on my own energy. Around 7:45am I picked up the visitors phone like I was told to do and called to say that I was here to pick up my husband and that's when my stomach fell.
It was apparent that the man who answered the phone really had no idea what he was talking about, he advised me that I needed to call the phone number for the medium level facility. I hung up, dialed the medium while I listened to it ring and go unanswered, I knew that he was wrong, so I dialed the number for the low again. This time I got a lady, who was rather rude (not surprising if you are used to the COs in the federal system). She told me that she could not tell me anything since she did not know who I was so I should just sit and wait for someone to call me. So I waited. I watched a bus come and go, and my husband had told me that they try to get the pick ups out before the bus riders, so I started to get nervous. Leave it to the BOP to torture you up until the very last minute.
I watched the hands on my watch tick by. How long do I wait before I call back? Will I annoy them and then what? So I waited some more. I started texting a friend who knew I was waiting to help pass the time while keeping my eye on the exit door. I summoned up the courage and made another phone call. This time another lady was a bit nicer and told me to wait, he was getting out. THANK YOU. That is all I really needed to hear. I was afraid something had changed, and I had my phone number shut off yesterday, and no way to know that there was a problem.
So much for texting. I just called my friend because I needed to talk to someone. I was the only one there waiting for a release. I had been there almost an hour at this point. I kept my eyes glued to that front door. Would I even recognize him when he came out? Would they call me up to go get him?
Then I saw him!! My breadth was gone. My friend on the phone with me started crying, she could read so much in the sound of my voice. Instinctively I knew not to do anything stupid or uncontrolled, so I slowly got up from my bench and waited at the sign that says "No Visitors Beyond This Point". I hung up with my friend and waited. He came walking out the door, escorted by a guard. They were both talking and laughing, I was a bowl of jelly, but I waited. It seemed like the longest walk ever. Suddenly the guard stopped walking and my husband keep walking toward me. That hug was the greatest hug in the history of the world. I did not want to let go, but I was shaking so much. So much to say, but not here. I wanted to get out of there and never go back. I wanted to see that place in my rear view mirror and then erase any memories from my mind.
It took me hours to stop shaking, and I am amazed I was able to drive, but we made it back to the hotel for him to take a real shower and clean that place off him forever before heading out into the world for the first time as a couple in over 5 years. The next few days were awkward in many ways, but it was nice to have a few quiet days to ourselves before joining the real world and facing all the unknowns that were ahead of us
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