After all that has happened, I am a firm believer that people are put in our lives for a reason. I don't care what argument you would have against such a belief, or if you would try to argue that everything is a big random ball of coincidence. I am not buying.
I started writing this blog because I could not find the support, or people in my shoes who were willing to share with me their stories. I wanted to talk to people who might be able to guide me along this path but was not finding them out there. I quickly learned that people in my shoes are afraid. They live in fear of being found out, or being associated with someone society looks down upon. They are also fearful for the safety of their loved one. Retaliation is a daily fear for many whose names are published on a public list of offenders. So many people choose to stay quiet and not speak out. They are quiet about their experiences and quiet about fighting the injustices of this system.
I read once that we are put through our experiences to learn from them so we could help others through those same experiences. I like the way that idea sounded. We have family that we learn from. Older siblings that teach use what to do and what not to do. Our friends show us experiences we might not have had without them. We model our parenting from how we ourselves were parented. So if I could not find those to help me, then I could at least help those behind me.
Over the years, with every entry and as days pass, I still find myself amazed and surprised by the timing of your comments. I have written about the joys and the sorrows that we have all been through and the difficulties that the system imposes upon us needlessly. I, too have good days and bad days. Days when I have lost hope and days when the future looks bright. But it is in the timing of the comments that reinforces to me that we are all there for each other. Just when I am going through I bad time, thinking things will not get any better, I get a new comment from someone thanking me for what I write. Someone new who is just starting the process, who has no idea what lies ahead or how they will handle it. Suddenly I am uplifted. Things are not as bad as I thought and maybe not a bleak. Both the positivity of the comments and the reminder that I have made it this far remind me that we all have so much to be thankful for everyday.
So I wanted to take the time to say thank you to all of you who have taken the time to read and comment. Many of the comments I have tried to respond to and many of you that have e-mailed me as well. Know that your comments are read not only by me but by others who value what you have to say and may just be the light of my day just when I need it the most. You are my inspiration...THANK YOU.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Our Lives Are Blessed By Those Around Us
I have learned so many lessons in my journey through life. Some of the most important and hardest to learn were within the last few years. Looking back, I can see how hardship and trials have made me a better and stronger person. But one of the most interesting things I have learned was about the people that we come in contact with on our journey, and whether good or bad, they shape who we become.
I can go all the way back to the girls who bullied me in middle school, they made my life miserable and I hated to go to school. One girl in particular was just down right mean. I would be fearful of just walking into a class room that I knew she was going to be in. As we moved on into high school it did become less of an issue as she spent less and less time at the school and I now have many fond memories of high school. Here is the irony, I would not be the person I am today without my middle school bully. I had finally had enough of her and decided that I was going to stop being afraid of what the other kids thought and put my energy into becoming who I wanted to be. It was during that time that I forced myself to be good at public speaking. I worked hard on speaking loudly and clearly, and not looking nervous. I raised my hand in class and shared my ideas. I came out of my shell and started living my life. I eventually spoke in front of the whole school and in my senior year won a radio speech contest. I don't know if I would have done that without living through middle school. I can not say however, that I would openly embrace my bully if I saw her today, I have even heard that she regrets her behavior back them. It is still a difficult time to remember and I would never relive it, but it played an important part of who I have become.
We all have family that we can point to who have had an impact on who we have become. I prefer to smile and be happy because I never saw my grandmother smile and always wondered if she was ever happy while my grandfather never stopped smiling. I choose to forgive and move on after watching the debilitating effects that keeping the anger inside has had on my sister. My cousins have taught me how to embrace the differences in all of us while knowing that we all have so much in common.
Friends have had a lasting impact as well, both the good and the bad. We have all had the bad experience that teaches us to not be so trusting and then the good experiences that teach us to put ourselves out in the world and we will be rewarded. We learn from our mistakes and successes and end up with a great circle of friends on which we can rely on. It seems that certain people come in and out of our lives when we need them the most. Some briefly, while others last a long time.
A friend who came into my life shortly after my husband was incarcerated, and was part of my support group recently fell ill. It is only within the last month that he found himself sick, and now has not been given much more time. He is a leader within our group, a friend with so much knowledge to share and a very good man. He is a minister by trade but I think he would have found a way to serve his fellowman if he had not heard his religious calling. Even now he is an inspiration in the way he is handling his prognosis, the humor that he shares with us is a sign of how strong his faith is. My one regret is that my husband did not get a chance to meet him. I think they would have got along well and my husband would have benefited from all that my friend could offer. His strength and fight is unceasing, and I can only hope to pick up were he has left off and continue to carry the torch forward.
With that said, embrace those who are around you. Love them for who they are and what they bring out in you. Be aware that there may not be a tomorrow so make the most of every day. Look at the people in our trials and in our joys, those we have known our whole lives and those who have recently come to us as well as those who teach us how to be good and those that teach us how not to be, for they are all just as important. We are truly blessed by those who lives touch ours.
I can go all the way back to the girls who bullied me in middle school, they made my life miserable and I hated to go to school. One girl in particular was just down right mean. I would be fearful of just walking into a class room that I knew she was going to be in. As we moved on into high school it did become less of an issue as she spent less and less time at the school and I now have many fond memories of high school. Here is the irony, I would not be the person I am today without my middle school bully. I had finally had enough of her and decided that I was going to stop being afraid of what the other kids thought and put my energy into becoming who I wanted to be. It was during that time that I forced myself to be good at public speaking. I worked hard on speaking loudly and clearly, and not looking nervous. I raised my hand in class and shared my ideas. I came out of my shell and started living my life. I eventually spoke in front of the whole school and in my senior year won a radio speech contest. I don't know if I would have done that without living through middle school. I can not say however, that I would openly embrace my bully if I saw her today, I have even heard that she regrets her behavior back them. It is still a difficult time to remember and I would never relive it, but it played an important part of who I have become.
We all have family that we can point to who have had an impact on who we have become. I prefer to smile and be happy because I never saw my grandmother smile and always wondered if she was ever happy while my grandfather never stopped smiling. I choose to forgive and move on after watching the debilitating effects that keeping the anger inside has had on my sister. My cousins have taught me how to embrace the differences in all of us while knowing that we all have so much in common.
Friends have had a lasting impact as well, both the good and the bad. We have all had the bad experience that teaches us to not be so trusting and then the good experiences that teach us to put ourselves out in the world and we will be rewarded. We learn from our mistakes and successes and end up with a great circle of friends on which we can rely on. It seems that certain people come in and out of our lives when we need them the most. Some briefly, while others last a long time.
A friend who came into my life shortly after my husband was incarcerated, and was part of my support group recently fell ill. It is only within the last month that he found himself sick, and now has not been given much more time. He is a leader within our group, a friend with so much knowledge to share and a very good man. He is a minister by trade but I think he would have found a way to serve his fellowman if he had not heard his religious calling. Even now he is an inspiration in the way he is handling his prognosis, the humor that he shares with us is a sign of how strong his faith is. My one regret is that my husband did not get a chance to meet him. I think they would have got along well and my husband would have benefited from all that my friend could offer. His strength and fight is unceasing, and I can only hope to pick up were he has left off and continue to carry the torch forward.
With that said, embrace those who are around you. Love them for who they are and what they bring out in you. Be aware that there may not be a tomorrow so make the most of every day. Look at the people in our trials and in our joys, those we have known our whole lives and those who have recently come to us as well as those who teach us how to be good and those that teach us how not to be, for they are all just as important. We are truly blessed by those who lives touch ours.
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