Weather Forecast

The sun shines, the wind blows, the seasons change, and life moves on for most. My life seems to be on hold. It is like the movies where the person gets up and relives the same day over and over again until they get it right. I get up every day and go through the motions. Taking care of the kids, taking care of work, taking care of the house, and taking care of anything else that might come up. But am I really living? It doesn't feel like it. Part of me is missing and I keep reliving the same day over and over again looking for that piece.

I know where that piece is, it is in Virginia in a federal prison and will not be back in my life for another 4+ years. So what do I do for the next few years? How do I continue "living" my life in a way that allows me to laugh, enjoy, and grow without feeling like I am surrounded by a fog. I have become much more acute to the wonderful experiences in my children's lives. I have to mentally record every aspect of an event so I can relive that event on paper in my letters. I notice every small detail and record even the tiniest moment. I have taken to bringing a notepad with me to some activities to give a moment by moment description. I feel like a sports broadcaster at their sporting events...swing and a miss! An evening sleep over becomes fodder for a 3 page letter to tell him all about the silly things they do and say.

What is the benefit to me? I have a greater appreciation for the precious time I have with them and the shear joy of watching them grow and change. I am recording moments in a way that most parents would not have the opportunity to or even take the time too. It is frustrating to me when events conflict and I can only attend one event...which do I choose? How do I choose one over another?

The day to day activities that most people take for granted I tune in on, these are the important things of our lives. Remember the first step or the first word, when did we become so busy we forgot to look for the "firsts". I hear the first time my sons voice cracks, or the first time I don't recognize him on the phone. The first time my daughter cleans up the kitchen without me having to ask. The first time my youngest decides to mow the lawn on his own and struggles but will not give up or admit that he needs help. The home run, the perfect game, the first dance are all wonderful but it is in the day to day living that memories are made to be shared.

So I may be surrounded by a fog that is here to stay for a while but I have the fog lamps on and am focusing clearly on those things around me so I don't miss them and neither does he.