Monsters-in-Law Part 1

Since the day I first met my future in-laws I knew they did not like the choice that their son had made, she immediately made snap judgements based on a short visit without really getting to know me first. I remember asking my parents what they thought of my "boyfriend" and my mom told me it was to soon to form an opinion. What a difference. The day of our wedding she cried ALL day long, I don't think she ever stopped.

I have always been polite, kind, respectful and never said a harsh word although I have always been honest with them. I told them that I could not call them Mom and Dad, because I was uncomfortable calling anyone other than my parents Mom and Dad. However, I have never liked the type of people that my in-laws are. My mother-in-law is very materialistic, self-centered, selfish, appearances are everything, a liar and emotionally cold. If I met her as a person she would surely not be someone that I would seek out as a friend. My father-in-law is very unemotional at times, turns to work to avoid confrontation, and also emotionally cold. Although he used to be much more enjoyable to be with than my mother-in-law.

Since my husbands arrest and subsequent prison sentence things have only gotten worse. They had originally told me that anything I needed they would help with, what they neglected to add was that it had to be convenient for them and would not affect their image or perceived life style. They had told their friends that "their son and family had moved to Virginia" just to explain why we would not be visiting and made us seem unreachable. They were no where to be seen on the day of his sentencing, again it would have been "too hard for her", never mind that I had 3 children at home and still managed to be there even though it was the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my whole life. I was there for him, and "There's your sign". They have never really been there for him. They have always been emotionally distant, never offering him acceptance, approval or offering a feeling of love.

So what am I to do now? I no longer have my husband acting as a buffer, what choices do I make? Well, I told her that she can't expect to call me anytime and drop whatever I am doing to indulge in a long drawn out conversation of whatever she wants to talk about, namely her. (I did not use those exact words, I was actually much nicer. Some of that is what I was thinking.) I told her I would call if I had news to share and that she could come up and see the kids any time, but I could not spare the expense of a 4 hour drive to visit them just for 1 meal (2 hours down and 2 hours back) which is all they have offered us since my husbands incarceration.

I have received more help and kindness from co-workers and friends than I have from my husbands parents and that has only shown a brighter light on the emotional scarring that my husband has had to deal with throughout his life. It is not an excuse but it does offer a great deal of understanding.

There is so much more to this story that I will have to continue another day, but the story goes on when they made their first visit to our home since last summer. What an event...to be continued.