I read a lot!! I read books when I find the time to sit and enjoy them. I read for work, for daily necessity and I read to stay informed. These days I find myself reading about politics and issues related to my family and our situation. I care and I want to change things and to do that I must learn all there is to know. Part of my daily routine is to read all the relevant articles about sex offenders. Articles about their management, recidivism, restrictions, and hope for the future when common sense wins out. What, do you not think there is hope for the future? Oh but there is.
Take a look on any given day to the headlines that continue to falsely scare the public of the evil of all of those labeled as sex offenders. Read the articles about how politicians are protecting us and saving our children by passing legislation that says sex offenders can not live near us. Watch the eleven o'clock news highlights about the sex offender, who committed his crimes 15 years ago, served his time and has been crime free since, but now he wants to live three doors away from a church with a day care center. Make sure you listen and learn that his crime was not even against a child but someone is in a uproar over where he wants to live. Turn on your radio and hear about the group of high school students who will now be labeled as sex offenders all their lives because one of them sent "bad" photos to the others.
Now, after you have listened to the media on how horrible all these sex offenders are, and how dangerous it is to have them living among us, take a breath, clear your head and look for the hope. Take the time to sit back and start reading the comments. A greater percentage of the comments are in support of common sense thinking. The true facts and statistics come out in the comments from the general public (not the media). The reason these restriction and laws don't make sense is spelled out to share for those looking to be enlightened. Now there is still the occasional draconian comment to kill or castrate them all but they are becoming the exception rather than the rule. This recent entry for Grits for Breakfast is a great example http://gritsforbreakfast.blogspot.com/2015/04/texas-voices-standing-against-sex.html.
Is it because people are educating themselves about the high costs of government and how funds could be better spent? Is is because the general population is suddenly concerned about the welfare of those labeled sex offenders? Or is is because as another day passes, more and more people are being personally affected by these laws and restrictions? As the sex offender population grows so does the size of their advocacy groups. More wives, mothers, sisters, brothers, fathers and children suddenly have skin in the game. They now care.
I don't really care why the tide seems to be turning, I just feel that it is. Eventually the media and politicians will have no choice but to start listening. What is now a quiet whisper will someday be a deafening roar. So there is hope for change, you just need to look for it hidden within the dark.
Monday, April 27, 2015
Monday, April 13, 2015
Hoping for a Judgement Free World.
Is it a pipe dream? Am I fooling myself and being naive? Why do we live in a world where people feel the need to put labels on each other and then make judgements based on those labels? Since the historians started recording the happenings around them, we have learned that people have used labels for each other and then used those labels to persecute others.
Labels are based on wealth, color, religion, political party. beliefs, histories or sexual preference, and too many more to list. Then we make assumptions on someone based on that label. If your poor, you are viewed one way, and if your rich, you are viewed another. We hate and fight with others based on their religious beliefs especially if they are significantly different.
You would have thought that the civil war, or the civil rights movement would have taught us that judging others based on a label was not an accurate way to view others. North or South, Black or White, we are all still human beings walking this earth waking up every day, trying to make the most of what we have. We all make mistakes, struggle to find our place in this world and laugh or cry when things happen. We are no different whether we are old or young, rich or poor, or married or single.
Am I always right? Is the way I choose to live my life better than the way someone else lives theirs? It is not my place to judge or tell them they are wrong. I love to engage people and talk about our differences, learn why they do what they do and make the choices that they do. In an open dialogue we both learn and can grow. I am not so arrogant that I think my ideas and opinions are the only ones. I live my life learning and growing every day. I do not assume that I have all the answers.
So my question is, why do so many people find it necessary to stereotype? They like or hate someone before they have even met them simply by a label that we have in our minds. I would love to live in a world where people are treated by how they treat others and live their lives and not the religion they follow or previous choices they have made. I make my choices by my own experiences with people, not from a label or what someone else tells me and because of that, I have many outstanding individuals as friends that I may never have met. My life is richer having these people in my life. Our common interests bring us together and our differences enrich our lives by sharing and teaching.
Would I feel this way without my own history? I was always one who wanted to make my one impressions of people, not believe rumor or what other people say. But I do think my history has made me more aware of the labels and being less judgmental. I have come to believe that it is not my place to judge how others live there lives but it is my responsibility to live my life the best way that I know how. Doing that requires my full attention and a great amount of energy anyway. My life is too short worrying about others, I would rather relish in the joy of my own.
Labels are based on wealth, color, religion, political party. beliefs, histories or sexual preference, and too many more to list. Then we make assumptions on someone based on that label. If your poor, you are viewed one way, and if your rich, you are viewed another. We hate and fight with others based on their religious beliefs especially if they are significantly different.
You would have thought that the civil war, or the civil rights movement would have taught us that judging others based on a label was not an accurate way to view others. North or South, Black or White, we are all still human beings walking this earth waking up every day, trying to make the most of what we have. We all make mistakes, struggle to find our place in this world and laugh or cry when things happen. We are no different whether we are old or young, rich or poor, or married or single.
Am I always right? Is the way I choose to live my life better than the way someone else lives theirs? It is not my place to judge or tell them they are wrong. I love to engage people and talk about our differences, learn why they do what they do and make the choices that they do. In an open dialogue we both learn and can grow. I am not so arrogant that I think my ideas and opinions are the only ones. I live my life learning and growing every day. I do not assume that I have all the answers.
So my question is, why do so many people find it necessary to stereotype? They like or hate someone before they have even met them simply by a label that we have in our minds. I would love to live in a world where people are treated by how they treat others and live their lives and not the religion they follow or previous choices they have made. I make my choices by my own experiences with people, not from a label or what someone else tells me and because of that, I have many outstanding individuals as friends that I may never have met. My life is richer having these people in my life. Our common interests bring us together and our differences enrich our lives by sharing and teaching.
Would I feel this way without my own history? I was always one who wanted to make my one impressions of people, not believe rumor or what other people say. But I do think my history has made me more aware of the labels and being less judgmental. I have come to believe that it is not my place to judge how others live there lives but it is my responsibility to live my life the best way that I know how. Doing that requires my full attention and a great amount of energy anyway. My life is too short worrying about others, I would rather relish in the joy of my own.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
I Find Myself Surrounded
Looking back to 2008 I would have never believed that I would find myself where I am today. I believe that all my past experiences have prepared me for the place and the people in my life. I know that this journey is by design and not random and I am fully prepared to make the most of all that I now know.
Years ago, I was like most of the population who believed the garbage that came from the press about sex offenders and how awful they all were. Any one with that label was someone that my children were advised to steer clear of and to be vigilante of strangers. But now I know the facts and the truth and the reality of anyone being labeled a sex offender. But, in truth, the irony in this is not that I know more sex offenders because of my husband or because of our support group, I now know more sex offenders because of people who are in my life for a variety of reasons. Another family member finds himself on this same path only for different reason, a friend of my daughters and a friends boyfriend are examples of a few.
I find myself as the navigator for the family members because this is a road well known by me with all the pitfalls, twists and turns that lay ahead of them. If not for my experiences I would not be able to offer them anything except my prayers. But now, I am fully armed with so much information that I do not know where to begin with all there is to share. The young man had so much going for him and knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life, but now that is all changing. He is a fine young man and one I respect and trust, and hope that he does not let this drag him down. I hope that all will turn out well and that he will rise above it all only to find success on a different path and that he does not let any future label define him.
My daughter's friend is young enough to not really understand the tough road ahead of him, although he has carried the sex offender label for a few years already. He is still struggling with the judicial ramifications of his initial crime. But he knows that within our family, no judgement is passed on anyone based on a label. He knows that he can freely talk to me about any issues that he is facing at any given time. He has taken the time to overcome his own discomfort to share his story with me and I believe that he finds a small comfort in having another place to turn.
I am not actively looking to surround myself with sex offenders, but I am finding more and more of them in my daily life. I am not sure if it is because there are more and more people labeled as sex offenders or if they are being placed in my life for other reasons. Maybe it is because I come across more open and accepting but for what ever the reason, I am prepared. It is not an area that I ever thought I would be an "expert" in but I am always available to help any one who needs some help.
In truth, it scares me that I can name so many people I know that are on the sex offender registry. All of whom are great guys who made mistakes, paid the price and are now trying to move forward. What does that say about us as a society, when we find safety in putting a label on someone who will most likely never commit another crime? I would wonder how many of us would be amazed to discover that co-worker, friend, or family member, who is a great guy, is actually a sex offender.
Years ago, I was like most of the population who believed the garbage that came from the press about sex offenders and how awful they all were. Any one with that label was someone that my children were advised to steer clear of and to be vigilante of strangers. But now I know the facts and the truth and the reality of anyone being labeled a sex offender. But, in truth, the irony in this is not that I know more sex offenders because of my husband or because of our support group, I now know more sex offenders because of people who are in my life for a variety of reasons. Another family member finds himself on this same path only for different reason, a friend of my daughters and a friends boyfriend are examples of a few.
I find myself as the navigator for the family members because this is a road well known by me with all the pitfalls, twists and turns that lay ahead of them. If not for my experiences I would not be able to offer them anything except my prayers. But now, I am fully armed with so much information that I do not know where to begin with all there is to share. The young man had so much going for him and knew exactly what he wanted to do with his life, but now that is all changing. He is a fine young man and one I respect and trust, and hope that he does not let this drag him down. I hope that all will turn out well and that he will rise above it all only to find success on a different path and that he does not let any future label define him.
My daughter's friend is young enough to not really understand the tough road ahead of him, although he has carried the sex offender label for a few years already. He is still struggling with the judicial ramifications of his initial crime. But he knows that within our family, no judgement is passed on anyone based on a label. He knows that he can freely talk to me about any issues that he is facing at any given time. He has taken the time to overcome his own discomfort to share his story with me and I believe that he finds a small comfort in having another place to turn.
I am not actively looking to surround myself with sex offenders, but I am finding more and more of them in my daily life. I am not sure if it is because there are more and more people labeled as sex offenders or if they are being placed in my life for other reasons. Maybe it is because I come across more open and accepting but for what ever the reason, I am prepared. It is not an area that I ever thought I would be an "expert" in but I am always available to help any one who needs some help.
In truth, it scares me that I can name so many people I know that are on the sex offender registry. All of whom are great guys who made mistakes, paid the price and are now trying to move forward. What does that say about us as a society, when we find safety in putting a label on someone who will most likely never commit another crime? I would wonder how many of us would be amazed to discover that co-worker, friend, or family member, who is a great guy, is actually a sex offender.
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Settling In
About a month ago already (wow time flies) we closed on the new house and moved in to our new one as a whole family. Is it my dream home? Initially I would have said no, but thinking of the bigger picture and where we are in our lives, I would now say it is a perfect fit.
The house is a bit bigger than our old one, but it sits on a smaller city lot. That just gives us lots of room inside and less lawn to mow, which is more time to spend doing fun things. The house is 100 years old and is full of character. There is so much we can do with it and over time make it our own.
The kids seem very happy with the new place and their new surroundings. Their old school district has granted them permission to finish out their education within the old school. That helps make the move better too, with no big educational changes.
So the big question is, how are things going? Surprisingly well. There are adjustments in the household that will fix themselves as the kids now have two parents under one roof. But already I have noticed some positive signs of everyone fitting into their respective roles. Probation has come through without incident so things are good there for now.
The difficult part comes into play due to the treatment program that my husband is expected to attend. He is at a point in the program where he is being challenged and asked to do things out of character for him, but yet they are things that are necessary for him to grow and moved beyond the feelings and emotions that put him in the awful place he once found himself. It is difficult for me to see him struggling with life long habits and being forced to change. It is hard for me to watch him struggle with these challenges when I fully support what the program and his counselor are trying to do. He feels that they want to see immediate changes, but it is difficult to change a lifetime of behavior with a blink of an eye. I don't believe that they expect overnight miracles, but just want to see that he is making the effort and doing the work.
Just like settling into a new home, creating a new way of dealing with life"s struggles takes time, patience and perseverance. It seems to be a never ending task until one day you look around and there are no more boxes left to unpack, furniture has been replaced many times, kids have come and gone and your on your third color of paint in the kitchen. Changing and becoming better people is a job that never has an end we just wake up one day and realize we are different than the person we used to be, and hopefully for the better.
The house is a bit bigger than our old one, but it sits on a smaller city lot. That just gives us lots of room inside and less lawn to mow, which is more time to spend doing fun things. The house is 100 years old and is full of character. There is so much we can do with it and over time make it our own.
The kids seem very happy with the new place and their new surroundings. Their old school district has granted them permission to finish out their education within the old school. That helps make the move better too, with no big educational changes.
So the big question is, how are things going? Surprisingly well. There are adjustments in the household that will fix themselves as the kids now have two parents under one roof. But already I have noticed some positive signs of everyone fitting into their respective roles. Probation has come through without incident so things are good there for now.
The difficult part comes into play due to the treatment program that my husband is expected to attend. He is at a point in the program where he is being challenged and asked to do things out of character for him, but yet they are things that are necessary for him to grow and moved beyond the feelings and emotions that put him in the awful place he once found himself. It is difficult for me to see him struggling with life long habits and being forced to change. It is hard for me to watch him struggle with these challenges when I fully support what the program and his counselor are trying to do. He feels that they want to see immediate changes, but it is difficult to change a lifetime of behavior with a blink of an eye. I don't believe that they expect overnight miracles, but just want to see that he is making the effort and doing the work.
Just like settling into a new home, creating a new way of dealing with life"s struggles takes time, patience and perseverance. It seems to be a never ending task until one day you look around and there are no more boxes left to unpack, furniture has been replaced many times, kids have come and gone and your on your third color of paint in the kitchen. Changing and becoming better people is a job that never has an end we just wake up one day and realize we are different than the person we used to be, and hopefully for the better.
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