Help for Families of the Incarcerated

I have learned so much during the last few years about so many things that I can not look back on this whole experience and say that it was all bad.  One of the things that I have learned from maintaining this blog is that there is a great need out there for people in my position to find help.  In most cases it is not financial help, but help in some form or another.  Whether it be for counseling or support groups that can share solutions or just a shoulder to cry on.

I have to look on this and wonder why there is not more to offer families in my situation.  Currently the studies show that the United States has 5% of the world's population but currently house 1/4 of the world's prisoners.  That amounts to over 2.3 million people behind bars which is more than any other nation in the world.  To put it in simple terms, 1 out of every 100 adults in this country is currently incarcerated and 1 out of every 28 children has at least one parent in prison.  With numbers like these, why are there not more support groups out there for these family members?  Again, I am not talking about someone just handing out checks or money.  I am talking about groups that offer counseling for children with a parent in prison.  Studies show that children of offenders have a smaller level of success later in life.  Or support for spouses facing a life without a partner and finding themselves suddenly as the head of the household.  Suddenly responsible for raising the children, maintaining a home and holding the family together, having someone to talk to can sometimes make a difference, even if it is only for a moment.

One of the hardest things in this journey is the time that many of us spend walking it alone because we do not know anyone else who really understands what we are going through.  My friends might nod, give me a hug and tell me that everything will eventually be OK, but they really have no idea what it is like to walk in my shoes.  They can not offer me advice or tell me that I am on the right path when it is a path they have never been on.  Don't get me wrong, that does not belittle any support that they offer, but there is a certain amount of security and comfort when you know that the person you are talking to can completely understand where you are.  Ask anyone attending a support group and they will tell you that it is in the shared experience that they find comfort and the support to keep going.  The shared theme, draws members to the group and offers a focus that can help the most number of people at any one time.

I get emails and messages from other people looking for help.  I can see what people are searching for when they stumble on my thoughts so I know that there are people out there looking, they just have not found each other.  There are wonderful groups who help families regionally like Wings Ministry or support families at holiday time like Angel Tree Ministries.  I have stumbled across a group here in my area because I refused to believe that I was the only one and had I not found them I would have tried to start my own.

If we as a society continue to incarcerate offenders for crimes that would not require a prison sentence in other civilized countries or continue to demand excessive sentences because we are a vindictive society and want justice at all cost, then we need to look at the bi-product of this culture that we are creating.  We are creating a generation that does not have parents accessible and don't assume that a parent in jail for a minor crime can not still be a good role model in so many other areas of life.  We are creating a class of children whose economic status is drastically affected with the loss of a parents income.  We are role modeling for our children that second chances are not allowed or granted.  We are teaching our children that forgiveness and repentance do not have a place in our society.  I do not know about you but these are things I surely do not want my children to grow up believing.

Currently the costs to house prisoners in the state and federal systems is over $55 billion dollars (that is Billion).  Let's look at less expensive punishments like community supervision, electronic monitoring and mandatory counseling when applicable.  These options keep families together, allows the offender to continue paying taxes and be a contributing member of society instead of a drain, allows them to continue paying child support and gets victims their restitution sooner.  Let's take a small percentage of that $55 billion and use it for treatment instead of punishment to prevent further offenses.  One of the best ways to help offenders become productive members of society is a stable home, let's help keep those stable homes there for them to return to if they must be incarcerated.  We can do that by giving as much support as possible to the family left behind.  They should not be treated as outcast or assumed to be just as guilty as the offender.  Why must the whole family suffer for the bad choices of one?