Can Prisoners Really Stay Connected with Their Families?

Another milestone that my husband missed and will never get back...I just got back from taking my oldest son to his driver's license road test.  He passed!  I am thrilled for so many reasons, some are purely selfish.  With another driver in the the house that means that I do not have to be the full time taxi driver.  The prospect of not having to drop everything that I am doing to go pick some one up or take some one some where actually makes me giddy (not a word you hear very often).  But reality quickly sets in when I am hit upside the head with the vision of ONE car in the driveway and THREE different schedules...not counting my own.

Although having another driver will take a small amount of pressure off me, and give my son the opportunity to learn some additional responsibilities, it will still not make a big enough change that I could have some, what do you call it? Free time?  I had hopes of using some tax refund money to purchase an additional car and did sock some of it away, but unfortunately I don't think it will be enough to buy anything even remotely reliable.  Three kids with too many needs, so I was not able to save as much as I had hoped.  I am trying to plan out in my head how I can pinch those pennies until they scream to add to the savings and hope to put enough down on another car within the next couple of months.  Hope is a powerful thing even if it seems unrealistic or at least out of my reach.

So here it is, yet another milestone that can never be recreated.  I am losing count of all the events that he has not been a part of.  Recently all three of my children where honored by the church diocese, a once in a lifetime achievement and he was not there.  Ironically, I think one of the reasons they received the honor was because of my husband.  Many people had commented on how great it was that the children continued their service to the church even during the worst of the storm that our family was going through.  Like it or not, I told the kids, that they are role models for all the other people in the church.

My son will play his first Varsity baseball game, which for him is the highlight of the school year. My daughter will soon play her first JV softball game as the starting pitcher, not bad for an eighth grader.  She will also have her first game with the regional softball travel team that she has been practicing with since last fall.  My youngest son plays his last season of ball with Little League.  Another season is soon to change, if the cold and snow ever finally leave.  We are headed into a spring and summer that seem to hold a promise of better things to come. 

I am not sorry to see the kids growing and maturing, because as a parent, if I have done my job right, that is what should happen. I love watching them change and evolve. I have recently discovered that my angry teenager remembered how to smile and carry on a conversation. I am rediscovering what a joy he can be to have around while silently dreading when the next one will enter that awful but seemingly necessary phase.

I remember their first steps, their first words and their first day of school and every first after that.  As a parent I don't think any "first" is more important than another.  There will be a first prom,  a first high school graduation and a first day of college for my son.  A first real boy friend, the perfect winning season and the next great story my daughter just can't wait to share when she jumps in the car.  Time for my youngest son to learn what he likes, what he doesn't like, and which video game he will try to convince me to buy.  Some of these are great moments, others are seemingly small, yet of such greater value to me.  All of these things can be described in letters, and photos snapped and forwarded, but the true value and meaning can not begin to be recreated to be relived five hundred miles away in a federal prison.

I can only do what I can, I can't change the federal system by correcting all the flaws overnight.  I can give my husband as much of our daily lives as I can.  I can write down, snap photos and video tape everything that happens as much as possible, but unfortunately things will be lost in the distance and I am not sure those things can ever be recovered.