Grief for Another, Offers Hope

I attended a memorial service this weekend of a very special man and great role model and because of that I think his story is important to share. 

This man, lets call him Joe, was born and raised in the small community that we moved into.  He was a natural part of the community while we were transplants and did not always feel completely welcomed.  Joe however, had grown up, went away to college, worked in Washington D.C. for a while, married someone from outside the immediate community and then eventually settled back home again.  Joe was active in the community, serving on various boards and volunteering.  He thought education was a gift and continued to educate himself in all areas.  I am not sure if it was because of his worldly experiences or just his kind nature, but from the very first day that we met Joe, he made us feel like we had been friends for years and made us feel welcomed in a town that had a hard time accepting outsiders. 

Through the years, Joe was a good friend and always good for a smile.  His children became friends of my children and spent many hours between the houses.  Unfortunately, shortly before law enforcement crashed into our lives, his job presented another opportunity to move.  This time it was a few states away.  Joe and his family moved and it was then that we found ourselves deep within the justice system.  But it is at that time that we learned what a kind, christian man Joe was.  In the midst of all the trouble, Joe had to come back to prepare the house to sell, and at a time when no one in the community was talking to us, Joe came over and knocked on the door.  He talked like we were old friends, and he knew everything that had been reported and gossiped about.  How could he not?  It is a very small town after all.  He talked with us about all the things other people only had the nerve to gossip about.  He asked question after question and offered his support.  The entire time he was visiting, he talked with us and treated us no differently than he would have treated us before.  His kindness was something we all treasured during that dark time. 

Imagine my dismay when I learned that Joe, a man in the prime of middle age, had suffered a heart attack and passed away.  I immediately sent my condolences to the family and shared the awful news with my husband.  Which leads me to this past weekend.  Joe's family came back to the area to have a memorial luncheon for all of Joe's family and friends here.  The kids stopped over during the preceding days to visit and asked if we were coming to the luncheon.  Many of the people who would be attending are people that used to be my friends, I am not as stressed about being around them anymore, but I find that I don't really want to spend time with them anyway.  But it was important to me to attend and let Joe's wife know how wonderful her husband had been. 

I am not sure what happened, but when I had the chance to offer my sympathies to Joe's wife, I too fell apart and started crying.  I am not sure I completely understand why.  Is is because I see another wife left to raise her children as a single parent?  Is it because I see the outpouring of support for a "good guy" and his family that I never got?  Is it because my heart aches at seeing more loss?  Was I mourning the loss of a truly good man who had so much more to offer this world?  Is it the grief that I carry with me and is always just below the surface? 

I don't know if I will ever understand the emotions that caused the out burst, but I bet tongues were waging after we left.  But I don't care, I needed to let Joe's wife know how much her husband's friendship meant to me.  I don't know if he knew how much his kindness and open mindedness meant to us at such a low point in our lives, but I am sure he is now somewhere watching over us all, and I can assure you that I will try to live by his example.  With people like Joe leaving his mark on this world, there is hope that the world could someday live in peace and joy.

Who Called it Summer Vacation?

I would love to meet the first person who coined this time of year as summer vacation.  For the people who take responsibility for all those kids who are on a break from school, it is anything but a vacation.  Since my kids have been out of school for break or graduated my "summer vacation" has consisted of the following:
   Travel Softball league, payoffs and tournaments during the week and most weekends.
   Summer basketball two nights a week.
   Summer college orientation that consisted of a three day out of town visit.
   Week long science camp.
   Cross country training.
   Swimming for swim team.
   Various Dr.s  and dentist appointments.
   Another three day out of town trip to take college freshman to school.
   Out of town wedding.
   Soccer camp.
   School shopping.
And that list only consist of the extra summer activities,  that does not include all the other normal things that are part of my activities like working, cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, general up keep of the house, and my own personal causes that get whatever of my time is left.  Sometimes that means working on my laptop in the softball parking lot during warm ups or breaks between games.  At times I feel pulled in so many directions that I can not truly enjoy where I am at any moment.

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my kids and will gladly let the house get rumpled if it meant choosing between doing something with them or cleaning up.  But I am looking forward to the end of August when I get my REAL vacation, which consists of a prison visit, and the beginning of the regular school year.

It will be bittersweet in that my oldest son will be off to college as a freshman over 5 states away but that is one less schedule that I will be forced to juggle as the roll of single parent I have been forced into.  This will be the last late summer visit to a prison that we will ever have to make, so next year might really be a "summer vacation". But until that time I will try to enjoy the life I am living and relishing in the busyness of our days.
  

A Mother's Pride

I made it through my oldest son's graduation from high school.  It was one of the big events that I was dreading simply because it was one of the biggest events in my children's lives that my husband would miss.  It had become a defining moment of how our lives would be changed and how would we get through everything without him around.  It was the one moment my son focused on when he wrote his support letter to the sentencing judge and yet seemingly was ignored. 

It was a very hectic few days, but because of that we were all able to do what needed to get done and then just enjoy the time for what it was.  Like every other event my husband has missed, I took photos and videos of the highlights but I will admit that in the more relaxed time I just tried to sit back and enjoy the fun.  And yes, there was much fun and laughter in the house to be enjoyed by all.  Close friends came and shared in the weekend, and other family and friends came for an afternoon of celebration.  It was not a time to dwell on what we were missing but a time to look forward for what the future holds for everyone.

The only tears I shed over the last few days were tears of joy and pride in the young man who has overcome more than any child should be expected to, and managed to stay well grounded and successful.  He walked across that stage with his head held high and had the respect of his peers, teachers and many in the audience.  He has shown the world how to graciously handle adversity and still focus on the job at hand, never skipping a beat.  His own experiences have made him a better man and a force that will leave his mark on the world in a very positive way.

He has matured in ways that a parent can truly be proud of.  He has learned that there is nothing in this world that he should not try to strive for.  He is limited only by the scope of his own dreams and desires.  He has learned the power of the written word and his artistry with words will take him to places he can only begin to imagine. I tease him, but if he only remembers to use his secret weapon, his beautiful smile, the world will open up before him.

My hopes for him, are that he never believe that he is not good enough to try anything or that anyone else is better than him.  His determination and spirit more than make up for what he might be lacking in experience and knowledge.  And I wish him joy, happiness and the knowledge that his family will always love him no matter what path he takes in life.

A Challenge to Those Who Love a Federal Inmate

Five years ago I was little informed, you could even say ignorant, of some areas that I am now an expert in. I now spend so much of my time reading and researching about a system that is broken and in need of repair.  I am taking a few minutes to send out a challenge to all of you that have been touched in some way by the Federal Corrections system in the hopes that if we all speak out, eventually small things will change, leading eventually to bigger and better changes.

Back in 1984 Congress eliminated parole within the Federal System, so currently the only opportunity for any early release is in the calculation of their Good Time Credit.  The system is set up that any inmate sentenced for more than 12 months earns 54 days per year as a Good Time Credit.  Ideally that means for every year of their sentence they could take 54 days off their sentence per year and should amount to serving 85% of the original sentence.  The problem lies in the complicated calculation that the BOP uses to determine the actual days, their calculation actually works out to 47 days per year.  They base their calculations on days served and each progressive year takes into account the previous years good time credit.  It is like compounding interest only in reverse.  This works out that the inmates end up serving 87.1% of the original sentence. 

Now that may not seem like much, but to anyone serving that time, every extra day is a big deal.  Looking at it from a taxpayers perspective, the difference between 85% and 87.1% would save taxpayers $914 million over every 9.5years based on the current federal prison population.  These calculations were taken from Families Against Mandatory Minimums or FAMM.  Other sites have done similar calculations and come up with similar numbers.

All this leads me to my challenge, there is a bill called the Barber Amendment that is currently in need of bi-partisan sponsorship, that would amend Title 18 U.S.C. Section 3624(b)(1).  This bill would change the current calculation from 54 days to 128 days, which would be a return to the previous Good Time Credit figure before the Sentencing Guidelines of 1987.  Politicians are not excited about this bill because they do not want to appear soft on crime, but we need to get them to think of it as being smart on crime.  In today's environment with governements looking for ways to cut spending, here is a way to drastically cut spending.  Prisons are overcrowded and it would be a way to thin out the populations making it safer for both the inmates as well as the employees.

I am asking everyone who has a loved one currently incarcerated or any fiscally responsible citizen to write your state representatives to urge them to consider sponsoring this bill.  It has been floating around for a number of years and it is time to put some thought and humanity back into our justice system.  Sell them on the idea that it saves money, lives and families.   Here is the link for the FEDCURE site that has more information on the bill and its need for sponsorship.

By the time this bill could possibly be implemented, my husband will probably already be home, but there are so many people who have found themselves trapped with a federal mandatory minimum sentence who might have hope that they could have a life outside prison fences that I can no longer sit back and be the ignorant person I used to be.