Grief for Another, Offers Hope

I attended a memorial service this weekend of a very special man and great role model and because of that I think his story is important to share. 

This man, lets call him Joe, was born and raised in the small community that we moved into.  He was a natural part of the community while we were transplants and did not always feel completely welcomed.  Joe however, had grown up, went away to college, worked in Washington D.C. for a while, married someone from outside the immediate community and then eventually settled back home again.  Joe was active in the community, serving on various boards and volunteering.  He thought education was a gift and continued to educate himself in all areas.  I am not sure if it was because of his worldly experiences or just his kind nature, but from the very first day that we met Joe, he made us feel like we had been friends for years and made us feel welcomed in a town that had a hard time accepting outsiders. 

Through the years, Joe was a good friend and always good for a smile.  His children became friends of my children and spent many hours between the houses.  Unfortunately, shortly before law enforcement crashed into our lives, his job presented another opportunity to move.  This time it was a few states away.  Joe and his family moved and it was then that we found ourselves deep within the justice system.  But it is at that time that we learned what a kind, christian man Joe was.  In the midst of all the trouble, Joe had to come back to prepare the house to sell, and at a time when no one in the community was talking to us, Joe came over and knocked on the door.  He talked like we were old friends, and he knew everything that had been reported and gossiped about.  How could he not?  It is a very small town after all.  He talked with us about all the things other people only had the nerve to gossip about.  He asked question after question and offered his support.  The entire time he was visiting, he talked with us and treated us no differently than he would have treated us before.  His kindness was something we all treasured during that dark time. 

Imagine my dismay when I learned that Joe, a man in the prime of middle age, had suffered a heart attack and passed away.  I immediately sent my condolences to the family and shared the awful news with my husband.  Which leads me to this past weekend.  Joe's family came back to the area to have a memorial luncheon for all of Joe's family and friends here.  The kids stopped over during the preceding days to visit and asked if we were coming to the luncheon.  Many of the people who would be attending are people that used to be my friends, I am not as stressed about being around them anymore, but I find that I don't really want to spend time with them anyway.  But it was important to me to attend and let Joe's wife know how wonderful her husband had been. 

I am not sure what happened, but when I had the chance to offer my sympathies to Joe's wife, I too fell apart and started crying.  I am not sure I completely understand why.  Is is because I see another wife left to raise her children as a single parent?  Is it because I see the outpouring of support for a "good guy" and his family that I never got?  Is it because my heart aches at seeing more loss?  Was I mourning the loss of a truly good man who had so much more to offer this world?  Is it the grief that I carry with me and is always just below the surface? 

I don't know if I will ever understand the emotions that caused the out burst, but I bet tongues were waging after we left.  But I don't care, I needed to let Joe's wife know how much her husband's friendship meant to me.  I don't know if he knew how much his kindness and open mindedness meant to us at such a low point in our lives, but I am sure he is now somewhere watching over us all, and I can assure you that I will try to live by his example.  With people like Joe leaving his mark on this world, there is hope that the world could someday live in peace and joy.