A Mother's Pride

I made it through my oldest son's graduation from high school.  It was one of the big events that I was dreading simply because it was one of the biggest events in my children's lives that my husband would miss.  It had become a defining moment of how our lives would be changed and how would we get through everything without him around.  It was the one moment my son focused on when he wrote his support letter to the sentencing judge and yet seemingly was ignored. 

It was a very hectic few days, but because of that we were all able to do what needed to get done and then just enjoy the time for what it was.  Like every other event my husband has missed, I took photos and videos of the highlights but I will admit that in the more relaxed time I just tried to sit back and enjoy the fun.  And yes, there was much fun and laughter in the house to be enjoyed by all.  Close friends came and shared in the weekend, and other family and friends came for an afternoon of celebration.  It was not a time to dwell on what we were missing but a time to look forward for what the future holds for everyone.

The only tears I shed over the last few days were tears of joy and pride in the young man who has overcome more than any child should be expected to, and managed to stay well grounded and successful.  He walked across that stage with his head held high and had the respect of his peers, teachers and many in the audience.  He has shown the world how to graciously handle adversity and still focus on the job at hand, never skipping a beat.  His own experiences have made him a better man and a force that will leave his mark on the world in a very positive way.

He has matured in ways that a parent can truly be proud of.  He has learned that there is nothing in this world that he should not try to strive for.  He is limited only by the scope of his own dreams and desires.  He has learned the power of the written word and his artistry with words will take him to places he can only begin to imagine. I tease him, but if he only remembers to use his secret weapon, his beautiful smile, the world will open up before him.

My hopes for him, are that he never believe that he is not good enough to try anything or that anyone else is better than him.  His determination and spirit more than make up for what he might be lacking in experience and knowledge.  And I wish him joy, happiness and the knowledge that his family will always love him no matter what path he takes in life.

A Challenge to Those Who Love a Federal Inmate

Five years ago I was little informed, you could even say ignorant, of some areas that I am now an expert in. I now spend so much of my time reading and researching about a system that is broken and in need of repair.  I am taking a few minutes to send out a challenge to all of you that have been touched in some way by the Federal Corrections system in the hopes that if we all speak out, eventually small things will change, leading eventually to bigger and better changes.

Back in 1984 Congress eliminated parole within the Federal System, so currently the only opportunity for any early release is in the calculation of their Good Time Credit.  The system is set up that any inmate sentenced for more than 12 months earns 54 days per year as a Good Time Credit.  Ideally that means for every year of their sentence they could take 54 days off their sentence per year and should amount to serving 85% of the original sentence.  The problem lies in the complicated calculation that the BOP uses to determine the actual days, their calculation actually works out to 47 days per year.  They base their calculations on days served and each progressive year takes into account the previous years good time credit.  It is like compounding interest only in reverse.  This works out that the inmates end up serving 87.1% of the original sentence. 

Now that may not seem like much, but to anyone serving that time, every extra day is a big deal.  Looking at it from a taxpayers perspective, the difference between 85% and 87.1% would save taxpayers $914 million over every 9.5years based on the current federal prison population.  These calculations were taken from Families Against Mandatory Minimums or FAMM.  Other sites have done similar calculations and come up with similar numbers.

All this leads me to my challenge, there is a bill called the Barber Amendment that is currently in need of bi-partisan sponsorship, that would amend Title 18 U.S.C. Section 3624(b)(1).  This bill would change the current calculation from 54 days to 128 days, which would be a return to the previous Good Time Credit figure before the Sentencing Guidelines of 1987.  Politicians are not excited about this bill because they do not want to appear soft on crime, but we need to get them to think of it as being smart on crime.  In today's environment with governements looking for ways to cut spending, here is a way to drastically cut spending.  Prisons are overcrowded and it would be a way to thin out the populations making it safer for both the inmates as well as the employees.

I am asking everyone who has a loved one currently incarcerated or any fiscally responsible citizen to write your state representatives to urge them to consider sponsoring this bill.  It has been floating around for a number of years and it is time to put some thought and humanity back into our justice system.  Sell them on the idea that it saves money, lives and families.   Here is the link for the FEDCURE site that has more information on the bill and its need for sponsorship.

By the time this bill could possibly be implemented, my husband will probably already be home, but there are so many people who have found themselves trapped with a federal mandatory minimum sentence who might have hope that they could have a life outside prison fences that I can no longer sit back and be the ignorant person I used to be. 

The One Constant is....Change

We like to think that we live our lives most days with very few disruptions.  We look at our world and think that most of our days are spent in our everyday routines.  The only time things get thrown out of whack are when some major event happens and seems to change our lives.  We think of those times when we loose a job, the death of a loved one, the birth of a new family member or some natural disaster that sweeps in unexpectedly as times of change.

But it is in a microscopic look at our lives that we see change everyday, sometimes from one moment to the next.  The kid who woke up this morning and complained about not being able to find his sneakers, is not the same kid who will put his head back on that pillow tonight.  Every experience, every encounter has affected him in some way that makes him a different person than he was before.  All the people that have interacted with him have left their mark and some way changed who he will be forever.  Even the physical body changes constantly.   Anyone with a teenage boy knows that they never stop growing, and eating.  Their bodies change moment by moment, hair never stops growing...and spreading.  A pimple that was there today will be gone tomorrow. 

As adults, change is always there as well.  Maybe our bodies have stopped growing, but we are still maturing.  Hair continues to grow, for some it even stops growing.  Bodies change as our lifestyles have an impact on our physical appearance.  We should be getting wiser with all our new and varied experiences to learn from.  People come and go from our lives as part of our natural cycle.  We grow, have our own families, parents age, children grow and mature, parents pass away and children move away.

Some of the changes that we experience are shared common events, while others are unique and sometimes leave us feeling isolated.  Some changes are wonderful and we consider them blessings while others are times when we feel the most alone and left in the dark.  Within some changes you can find both the blessing and the darkness.

My thoughts today come from the fact that I watched my oldest son play his last official baseball game last evening.  I find such joy in watching him play that I feel like a large part of my happiness is now gone.  What am I to do?  I am excited for him heading to college in the fall, far away though.  I won't be able to see him except for the big holidays, but I am looking forward to watching him win at his next "event".  It may not be a ball game but it may be in a successful semester or a excellently completed project.  He will grow and change so much in his first semester away and I envy him being able to experience life as a young person testing the waters and out on your own.  He will be a different person and yet still the same when he comes back to see us.  I won't be able to see him "play" a game two or three nights a week but I will get to sit back and watch him excel in his life.     

Embrace the change, because they will be coming whether you want them to or not.  Good or bad, expected or unexpected, normal or out of the ordinary, change forces us to learn and grow.  If we make the most of it, we will always come out for the better, that does not mean that I can not sit back and wish I could keep him home a little bit longer and watch one more game.  I am his mom.

Have We Turned A Corner?

When it rains it pours they say and I guess that would apply to both the good and the bad.  This past week or so I have had the opportunity to experience some of the good pouring out. 

The biggest thing for me may not seem like much to others but for me it signifies a passing of some of the hurt and anger and a greater hope that things will not be quite as difficult when my husband comes home.  I have mentioned that some of the people in the community who felt betrayed by my husband have started carrying on polite conversations with me.  Nothing earth shattering but a nice "Hello" or "How are you?" is a major step up from what I had been experiencing in the past.  Well, this past weekend, one of the people who probably felt most betrayed (rightfully so) was standing next to me at a school sporting event, when we were having some of that nice, polite conversation when we suddenly had one of those awkward moments of silence.  Then he seemed to take a breath and he asked how my husband was doing.  I had all I could do to not jump out of my skin, but I remained calm and told him that he was doing well.  He then asked me, with a great amount of sincerity in his voice, to tell my husband that he said hi.  I was blown away inside but still remained calm on the outside and told him that I would most certainly relay that to him.  This was something very new for me, I have had people ask how my husband is but no one so directly related and close to us at the time it all happened. 

What does this mean?  Immediately thoughts started bouncing around in my head as to why this? why now?  Could he have been contacted by the BOP due to his impending release?  Had enough time passed that he was just ready to offer an olive branch? or had he had enough time and distance to review his own short comings and realize that we are all human, we all make mistakes, and my husband is already being punished for what choices he made?  But with all the thinking, I really do not care what his reasons or motives were, it was a wonderful thing for him to do and lifted my heart. 

Later that same day, I was sitting on my back patio enjoying a beautiful spring evening.  It had been such a good day that I did not want to go in the house and have it end.  I was watching my two younger children playing ball with each other in the park in the backyard.  They were laughing, teasing, and just having an all around good time.  It was then that I realized that my kids are all going to be OK.  They have weathered this whole thing the best that any kids could be expected to and come out fully intact.  Their lives are filled with joy, kindness and friendship.  They have great family, role models, teachers and friends.  They know that their parents love them and that will never end regardless of how far we are from them.  They have learned to handle the darkest things that life can throw at you and come out on top.  They continue to excel academically, athletically and in everything they put their minds to.

All this hit me like a ton of bricks while I was just sitting on the patio watching them be kids.  Why now? Why today?  Maybe it was just the frame of mind I was in or maybe it is because I see this chapter closing soon and another one beginning.  Our lives are in a constant state of change, some easier than others but my children have learned to roll with the punches as long as you do not let anyone knock you out.  How can I not feel joy at knowing in that moment that my kids will be fine!!!  This experience has left a mark on us all but it is like all the other scars we carry through life, we wear them with honor because it means we have survived.