A Mother's Final Lesson

Five years ago this week was one of the worst weeks I have ever had to live through.  It was in my urgency to get a call to my husband to inform him that my mom had passed away that I discovered he had been sent to the SHU (Secure Housing Unit) for getting in a fight.  I had to face the passing of my mother without the presence of my husband as well as worry for his safety. 

It was a difficult time and as with most families there is always turmoil between family members, and for me it is with my sister.  She certainly did not do what she could to make the best of the situation for any of us.  If she could stir the pot, she did and as is often the case, I just back away and let her go.  I did put my foot down about a few things that I felt were important and I managed to do it with out yelling or insulting anyone. 

It took me until the morning of the funeral to finally speak with my husband and find out what was going on.  I had called the facility numerous times and would not get an answer or a call back.  I could not even get a confirmation that I was calling a good phone number.  It was just as we were heading out the door for the funeral that I finally got the call and he told me rather quickly, what had happened. and where he was. 

I volunteered to speak at my mom's funeral, and I was told that I did a fine job.  I was proud to be able to offer some last words for my mother and share some of my memories.  Spending time with my extended family was a blessing and a salvation.  I am not sure how I managed to get through it all with my blood pressure in the normal range and still getting moving every day but laughing with all my family is always something to cherish.

My husband ended up spending about 30 days in the SHU and completely missed another major life event.  I could not even speak to him because of the limited phone privileges they have when they are in the SHU. Much later he shared more of the story and divulged the extent of his injuries, which I am glad I did not know at the time.

Here I am, five years down the road, and my life is in a much different place.  We are all moving further and further away from that time.  Slowly our lives are changing.  Yet there are days when I wish I could pick up the phone and still call my mom.  I go visit my family home, and nothing is the same but no one can take my memories.  Sometimes I wonder if it was her final lesson for me,  if I could survive all that in one short period of time with everything people were expecting from me, I could survive anything.  I like to think she is with me and is proud of me, how far I have come and how I have handled all that has been thrown at me.  Peace.