Please, Just say something!

As life is attempting to return to something resembling normal, things come up that we have to choose how to respond.  Things most people would never give a second thought to, but for us required a split decision.

Case in point, we had the opportunity to spend our long weekend with my brother back at my childhood home in the mountains.  We had a wonderful weekend hiking the mountains, doing some touristy stuff and being out on the lake in the kayaks.  It is a reminder that certain things in life are back to normal.  I had prepared some meals ahead of time that would only require a crock pot or oven time and we needed one or two items to complete one of the meals.  We headed out to the grocery store, and in the many years since leaving there I don't think I have ever run into anyone that I knew, that is until this weekend. 

We had barely walked into the store when I saw one of my best friends.  We had stayed close for many years after high school, through weddings, children and on.  We had always tried to carve out some visiting time when ever we would go home for a visit.  But then things changed.  My life was uncertain for a time and I was unsure about what everyone knew.  Traveling became harder alone and it was during this time that my mom passed away as well.  My friend came to the calling hours for my mom and she was very kind but we did not really get a chance to talk.  Nor did she ask either, how my husband was doing or even where he was.  I could not be sure that she even knew what was going on in my life.

So back to this weekend and there they are in the store right in front of us.  Do we turn the other way and avoid them or try to talk to them and see what happens?  I could not walk away, I called out to them and greeted them with hugs and smiles.   We all talked for quite a while in the middle of the grocery store trying to catch up.  There were separate conversations going on for a time so I did not hear all that my husband talked about and visa versa. 

It was not until much later in a quiet moment that my husband told me that her husband had apologized to him.  They knew all about what had happened and they fully supported him.  But at the time they did not know what to say or if they should reach out to me.  At the time, it was wonderful to hear of yet another rational person who was still supportive of my husband and know that they is hope for humanity.  But there was an aching in my heart that wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, that I needed to hear that all those long years ago.  A card that said thinking of you, or an e-mail that said call if you want to talk, anything would have been better than nothing.

Why is it so hard for us to reach out and just let someone else know that we are there for them.  Are we afraid that they will take us up on our offer of help and then we are stuck?   Are we afraid of not knowing what to say or we will look stupid?  That we will upset them or hurt their feelings?  Some small words might have made such a big difference back then for both of us.  No one will know how much easier it would have been for me to know I had a few more people in my corner or it would have given my husband another person to communicate with while he served out his time.  

The point of all of this is to implore everyone out there, in those awkward situations when you avoid saying anything because you don't know what to say, just say something.  Say you are thinking of them, praying for them, offer to help in any way, even just a hug could say all that needs to be said and I guarantee you will feel anything but small and stupid.  And your words may seem insignificant to you, but you will never know the power and influence that they will have on the person hearing them at a time when they are most needed.