Time is progressing, in a few short months I will get to make the last visit to the prison to pick up my husband. There has been rumblings at home, an occasional comment here and there about the upcoming summer changes. Nothing bad, just indications that we are all aware that change is again in our future.
There is a bunch of thoughts running through my head, some of which are extremely personal or just generally practical. I am not sure I could begin to cover all of them. The following is a list of some of the many thoughts that might race through my head at any given moment:
-How do we handle having another driver in the house and needing another car at some point?
-How much time do I take off to help do everything that will need to be done, if any at all?
-What happens if he can't find a job relatively quickly?
-How much have the two of us changed and will we like who the other has become?
-Will all the relationships be repairable?
-Will extended family and close friends accept him once he gets home again?
-Or will we have to deal with people who do not want him around or are uncomfortable with him?
-What will it be like being part of a married couple again?
-What will it be like being alone together after so long alone and apart?
-Do we attend our community church as a family or go someplace where we are unknown?
-Will some people even recognize him?
-What do you tell the new acquaintances in our lives who do not know about him when they now meet him?
-What will it be like to have someone snore all night and keep me awake...yuck?
-How much of what happened to him will he want to talk about or will I want to hear about?
-What limitations or restrictions will we have to face?
-Should I tell myself not to expect too much too soon to avoid disappointment?
-Will his being home start the gossip mills running in the community?
-Will people in the community come out, forgive him, accept him and move beyond the past?
-Will his coming home have an adverse affect on the kids in any way?
-Can we hope for a return to normalcy sometime in the future?
-What will it be like to have an adult conversation at home?
-How will his being home affect my relationship with friends who still have loved ones behind bars?
-Will we all make it through this and stay together as a family?
-How will his being home affect my current relationship with my in-laws?
-Will our daily lives change dramatically?
-What unforeseen issues will we all have to learn to deal with?
-How long will it take before we notice that things are doing fine and back to normal?
-Will it be awkward when it is just the two of us initially?
-How will those first few days go?
-Will he be as nervous as I feel when we are together again?
-Will our marriage be better from now on, better than it was before?
-How will the kids friends behave with him being home?
This is just the tip of the iceberg of thoughts floating around at any given time in my head. I know there are really no answers to most of these questions but I can think about them, plan for some and just pray for the others. And of course just hope for the best.
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I'm sure you have so much going on as well as your children! being away from someone so long and all the changes people make then reuniting can be difficutl getting to know one another again. My husband got sentenced to 4 years and 4 months at least according to the projected release date but I really hope he gets to come home sooner Not sure how that works though. April will be his first year in there and its so hard everyday knowing that he can not just pick up the phone and call and just talk for hours. were in our early 30's and before his past caught up to him we were planning our lil family so hopefully when he gets home much hasnt changed and we can add on to our family. we'll see life is constantly changing. well I jsut wwanted to wish you the best of luck and hope everything gets back to normal ( whatever that is now a days ) for you and your family
ReplyDeleteThank you for your well wishes. Truth is I am getting more excited every day, just trying to remind myself not to expect everything to be perfect to avoid any unnecessary disappointment. Looking back the time does pass much quicker than I thought it would so just keep moving forward and it will be over for you before you know it. However, don't put your life on hold waiting for him to come home. Make sure you have fun, laugh as much as possible and keep busy and time will pass. I can't wait to have a phone conversation with him that is not cut off after 15 minutes...although he says he likes that feature when talking with his Mom...thinking of getting it as an app on the phone...haha. Oh and always keep your sense of humor. Good luck to the two of you as well.
DeleteBest of wishes to you and your family, yay he finally gets to come home what an amazing feelin it has to be. I cannot wait for the moment that I get to see my husband home and touch his face it has been 3 years and we still have to make it until 2016. He is so far away that I can't find the time nor money to fly out to him and let alone bring 3 children with me 15 min phone calls are still on my raidar for a few more years. Sometimes I look at the calander and think to myself yay its all going by so fast he will be home before I know it and then I have days that it seems as if the time is never going to pass and I will forever be alone. I often ask what I have done in my life so wrong to have deserved all of this but I just have to remind myself that is just the pain talking. I can't wait for the day he gets to come home and play with his children just to see them smile because daddy is home is all I want, someday it will happen someday until then I am alone holding down the family. Congrats and best of wishes : )
DeleteSo much of what you are saying reflects what is going on in my own heart and head...my husband has been in since Jan. 2011 and is coming home in October. We're lucky he's close by and we get to visit every weekend the past year, and he'll be moving to work release in the next couple of weeks and starting to get furloughs home once a week. The thought of having him home for a few hours a week is raising all these questions about how we will adjust again to life as a family with our 9 year old. Thanks for expressing so much of what I'm feeling...it's a happy time but fraught with so much uncertainty and worry as well. I hope that it goes well for you. I started reading you shortly before my husband went in, and I think of you often. Thanks for being there.
ReplyDeleteI have a similar situation, except, this man was never my husband. He was arrested when I was 18 and he was 17. He's been in for 15 years. He's about to get out this year. We are very much in love and always were. I moved far away...so the only way for us to be together is to have him paroled out to my house which is 1,000 miles from our childhood home. I'm worried that he has never lived with a girlfriend before. I have lived with a couple of boyfriends so i know the ropes...I don't want him to get stir crazy being in a home that is unfamiliar to him and without a job at first.
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