Recently I have had experiences with close family members that gets me wondering once again "when is it time to just cut the ties to maintain your own sanity?".
One family has a habit of always promising the world and NEVER following through. Big things, little things, insignificant things and life changing things, it does not matter. They are mostly things that they volunteer for. I learned a long time ago to stop asking them for anything yet they get my hopes up when they offer to do these things and still never follow through. Intellectually I know not to expect anything of them, but when it is such an important thing, I get my hopes up that maybe this time they will really do it. Once again I am tragically disappointed when they drop the ball.
Is it really my problem and not theirs? Obviously I know that this is their weakness, so is it my responsibility to not let them get my hopes up, I should know what to expect after all. It is easy to let the little things go by because they are not so big. I can just chalk their promises as the empty words that they are and know that nothing will ever come of them, or I could just be pleasantly surprised if they actually followed through. Imagine my surprise when that day ever comes...
What really gets me is when they make promises for once in a lifetime events and not only never follow through, they never even acknowledge that they made that offer. As an example, they offered to be here with us the day my husband went in for his sentencing and they never called to say they were not coming, they never called at all. There have been other times over the last few years when they have made just as important offers and then nothing. Am I to continue accepting them for what they are? Suppress my disappointment because I should know better than to expect anything?
There is a fine line for me, I am being told that I should put up with them, I know how they are so I should be the bigger person and just be OK with it all. Sometimes I get so tired of always being the bigger person, being the bigger person seems to take so much out of me. Could be because I do put so much thought into everything, that I think too much about those around me, but if I am to accept them for who they are then they should know that about me.
Another close relationship has just continued to show what kind of person they really are. I have always said that the only thing that keeps me tied to this person is the family relationship. If I had ever just met them, they would never be anyone that I would consider making a friend because they exhibit none of the qualities that I find noble. They are not someone that I would want to introduce as a friend and offer as a roll model for others. I have tried for many years and have yet to find any positive qualities. How long do you continue to make someone like this part of your life? They are a toxic personality and bring no joy to any family function so when is it OK to say enough is enough? They recently made it clear that they have not changed over the last few years and probably never will.
Do you just grin and bear it when dealing with these family members or is there a time when it is OK to cut the ties and move on to a better and less stressful time? Somewhere in this big puzzle is a lesson that we all have to learn. Is there a right or wrong answer, is it even a black and white situation? Will have to wait and see...
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