How is Life Normal on One Income?

Most of the time I am contemplating the emotional aspects of my life, but one of the things that effects me most is not directly an emotional issue, although the worry and anxiety that it causes are certainly emotional responses.  How am I supposed to live a normal life with 2/3 of my income gone?

I have read books and sought out advice from other wives and they have helped with the emotions of this new life but no one has been able to tell me how to make one paycheck last two weeks until the next one come.  We were not wealthy by any means and would probably classify us as middle class, so I had the opportunity to take a lower paying job at a small company with great flexibility so I could be more available for the kids.  It was one of the best decisions I could have ever made.  My bosses and co-workers have been very supportive, kind and helpful throughout this whole experience.  I am not sure I would have made it as far as I have without that job to go to everyday and the "friends" that are there and been there for me.  So my husband's salary paid a large percentage of the bills.  With the loss of his regular job we had to make adjustments, but with his new lower paying job we were doing OK.  Even when we had to pay the expenses for two households we still managed to stay afloat until...

When he was incarcerated our whole life as we knew it was gone forever. I was suddenly responsible for a house payment (thankfully we did not listen to the realtor and purchased a home well within our means), all the utilities, and every other possible expense required to raise a family.  It was a major struggle at first, going into Social Services was one of the worst experiences of my life (and the staff there did not make it any easier) and then to find out that I was a few dollars above the cut off to qualify for any assistance was heart breaking.  How was I supposed to be financially responsible for three children?

The retirement money was gone to pay for the attorney and there was no money of significance in savings anywhere. I have money taken out of my paycheck and put in savings so I have emergency money when I need it but it seems that there is an emergency all the time so that money never really grows very big.. I am not really sure how I have made it this far.  I have managed to keep the house payments current, own and sort of maintain two cars with no payments, keep all our utilities turned on and supported a some what normal childhood for the kids. 

But with all that there are times when I feel like I am failing, and I just don't know what to do.  Christmas time is of course a bad time because of all the additional expenses for gifts, food and travel.  Back-to-school is another bad time because not only do the kids need sneakers but they at least need a few pair of jeans and then the unending school supply list as well.  There are points during the year when I know things will be tight and I somehow muddle my way through them.

But I have hit a point now when I don't know what to do.  How do you tell a Junior in high school that you can not afford to send him to his prom?  How do you tell your daughter that you can not afford to pay for the rest of her class trip to Washington DC next year because you can't come up with the balance right now after you have been paying on it all year?  What do you tell your son when he asks for money to take the SAT or ACT exams for college next year?  All this while they still expect to have groceries on the table and gas in the car to get them where ever they need to be.  It would not seem so bad except there is no end in sight for the next three months.    My oldest will want to start visiting colleges soon and how can I afford to take the time off and still pay all the expenses associated with those trips.  And lets not forget the once a year visit that we get to go see my husband and their father usually in August some 500 miles away.

This is only a drop in the bucket of the expenses I feel like I am drowning in.  As I sit here I am in tears because my daughter is upset that we do not have a spare set of AAA batteries in the house so she can finish her homework with her graphing calculator.  Even if I had the time to stop and buy the batteries after work today I am not sure I have any money to spare with a tuxedo rental that needs to be picked up tomorrow.  Seems so silly to feel this way but I am not sure I can keep my head above water in the near future.

How do other people do it?  How do they survive without completely going under?  I shop at the discount grocery stores, which are ultimately cheaper than the large stores using coupons.  I don't buy brand name groceries, store bands are just fine.  Many of our clothes come from second hand stores and there are certainly no big, unnecessary purchases on a regular basis.  So how do I make my little pay check last forever, or look my children in the eye and tell them no you can't have a normal childhood because I can't afford it.  They do not ask for "stuff" any more because they know the funds are limited so why should I say "no" when they ask to do something special.  Unfortunately for me, everything seems to be falling at the same time and with no immediate end in sight.

Could I get a second job?  I suppose I could try but then who would be there for the kids?  Who would make sure they did their homework, ate a balanced meals or made sure that their clothes were clean?  As it is I only see them a few minutes in the hectic mornings and then two or three hours before someone starts to head to bed.  If I was working a second job, who would be parenting my children?  That IS my primary job so I am not willing to give that up.  The house is too small to rent out a room and if you have followed my blog you know my mother-in-law suggested that "I just find some one new" which I am not willing to do.  So that puts me back to my question "What do I do?".

Someone out there must have survived this and lived to tell about it.  I am sure I am not alone in wondering what more I could do to change our situation for the better.  I would love to write an entry sometime in the future explaining to others how I got through this and offer them some path to follow.