Why State Versus Federal Charges

One of the side effects of my most recent past life is the unplanned exposure to our legal system.  From the day the police first raided my home to about three minutes ago when I was reviewing on of the many sites I visit on a regular basis, my life seems consumed by the flaws in our legal system.

People often ask if I am angry at my husband and I will admit to moments but I am more angry with the current state of our legal system.  I am not saying that he should not be punished for what choices he made, but I am questioning the way the system works and what the ultimate goal of the system is.  My husband was prosecuted through the federal system although we were told that he could have been handed over to face state charges.  He was sentenced to five years in Federal Prison, but he might have only sentenced to probation in the state system or minimally one year. 

Who decides where an offender's case is handled?  Well I recently talked to a Federal Public Defender, and was told that there is no formula or reason why any one case is handled on a Federal level and others are handled in the state system.  There are certain criteria that make it eligible to be handled in a Federal court but once those criteria are met, it is still a human judgement call as to where the case is handled. Just the other day I was reading a news article about a man who was just arrested and the decision was still being made as to whether he would be tried in the Federal system or the state.  The paper quoted that he would probably be tried in the Federal system because he would be face a much stiffer sentence.  Why is it that two people can be charged with the same charge, but end up serving two extremely different sentences just based on the charging court?

There is something inherently wrong with our legal system when how much you serve for a convicted crime is simply decided by a flip of a coin.  The Federal prosecutor gets to decide if this is a case he wants to tackle or one he wants to pass on and let the state system deal with it.  It could be tied to the popularity of the arrest, the notoriety of the defendant, or the ability to put a feather in the prosecutors cap.  Should our system be so arbitrary?  I do not think so.  If it is arbitrary then how can you argue that it is fair?

This leads to the next question about what is the ultimate goal of our criminal justice system.  I can not help but wonder if the true goal of the system has been lost.  On the national news the other morning there was a story about a new federal prison that could not be opened for operations due to budget cuts.  The community was upset about all the jobs that are hanging in the wind without the prison opening.  Everyone was taking about how horrible the community was feeling with the delay of the opening.  I, however, felt nothing but sorrow.  I was thinking of all the families whose loved ones would be facing incarceration at a this new prison.  I was thinking of all the people who are facing harsh sentences based on the whim of one individual and Federal mandatory minimums. 

Our politicians do not want to appear soft on crime and then offer the public the business of corrections.  Prisons become booms to communities suffering from high unemployment.  We can not afford to educate our children but we can afford to build prison and continue to fill them with first time offenders.  For every job we create working in a prison we then remove one person from a family and remove the potential for that person to be a contributing member of society.  Corrections has become BIG BUSINESS.  Politicians fight to get prisons in their district because it means more dollars to their economy and a boom in job growth.  It makes them look good to their constituents.  Guards, support staff, customers, suppliers, construction workers are gain when a prison moves in.  But is this the way that we should be stimulation our economies.  Lets take some of that money and hire counsellors, probation officers, and case workers help those first time offenders stay in their communities, stay with their families, pay taxes, keep working and be rehabilitated without serving time in prison.

Do I think my husbands sentence was too harsh?  Yes I do, based on how he would have been sentenced in a state court.  There are many people out there who may disagree, but then fix the system.  If you think his sentence was appropriate then make the same crime in the state system punishable by the same sentence as the Federal system.  Had I ever thought about any of this before it became a everyday part of my life, no.  But it is only when things touch us personally that we suddenly take a closer look at the world around us. 

Let's get some equality in the system in both the punishment fitting the crime and consistency in punishment across the Federal and state system.   I hope that you will never have a personal experience with the system but please don't wait to get informed and learn what is really going on in the world.

Life Can be Good Even with Someone in Prison

I really wish I understood the way a human brain functions, or better yet, the way our emotions ebb and flow everyday.  Why are some people happier by nature while others are in a permanent state of grumpiness? 

I hit a rough spot for the past few weeks even though I could not really put my finger on what was causing it or what I could do about it, then I realize that I am feeling better again and still no idea why.  Things are certainly not better this week, I am still holding things together on my own and truth be told, in some ways things are worse.  My brother called to say that my dad is deteriorating quickly now and it looks likes nursing care is in the very near future and I will be attending a funeral of a friend's grandson who was only 6. 

Is it because we can look outside ourselves and see that there is always someone experiencing something worse?  But I have always known that because of the relationships I have made over the last few years and because people have told me that my experiences are "what they think of when they are thinking of the worst".  I disagree, my life is filled with joy, happiness and living. 

I will admit that my life has been in a seemingly endless state of change, and maybe that is why I hit my slump, things did not change, I was emotionally in a rut.  I am not talking about earth moving change, just small things that remind me that things are always moving forward.  For the most part, things have been moving in a positive direction and when nothing changes it means we are not moving forward.  Just like a plateau when you are dieting, it is a time to regroup, re-evaluate and consider new options to keep making positive changes.

Each day is not a day without us as a whole family, but each day is one day closer to when we can be a whole family once again.  One day closer to our next visit, when we can sit and try to catch up on a whole years worth of activities and changes.  One day closer to the ultimate release date and a whole new set of experiences when he will come home again.  But each of those days has an inherent value in and of themselves.  Each day is one day more I can spend with my kids, looking at colleges, attending sporting events, laughing at their silliness and just enjoying being in their company. 

Each day is a new opportunity to discover how great they are as people.  Learning their kindness and observing moments when they truly shine, not when they hit the home run or make that great catch, but in the quiet moments without an audience that I see them touch someone else's heart with a kind word or a selfless act.  My heart fills with pride and an overflow of emotion, I am so overwhelmed that I am left speechless.  I do make sure that I tell them how proud of them I am, and have seen subtle hints from them that they are proud of each other.

Maybe it is in these small moments that my spirits are lifted and I am also renewed.  I am succeeding, all the work, effort, exhaustion and determination is for a great cause.  If I ever feel the need to question how I am living this life I need only to look at the three blessings God has put in my care to know that life is good.

The Triple Threat - Feelings of Self-pity, Loneliness and Selfishness

Why is it human nature to focus on the negative instead of the positive?  The experts tell me that I have experienced a form of grief although I am not sure that they have fully studied what the spouse of an convicted felon really feels and experiences.  Over two years into this and I am still searching for answers in what I am feeling and how to handle everything that is put in front of me.

All I have to do is watch the morning news shows to see people and families who are in a much worse situation than I am.  We are all healthy and no one requires any medications or specialized medical care.  I have managed to keep a roof over our heads and not feel overly stressed that we could loose our home, at least up until now.  We have food on the table whenever anyone is home long enough to sit down and eat, although the kids might argue that it may not be exactly what they want to eat.  I have a fairly reliable car that is paid for and gets us all where we need to go.  I have job that allows me flexibility due to my family situation. 

I could go on and on about all the positives so I know that there are many things that are good in my life and that I should be happy about.  But then something hits me, and I feel all the bad things come rushing in.  I get up every morning and spend everyday living for my children.  Everything I do is to make sure that they are going to be happy, healthy and normal.  Even going to work becomes something I do to make sure I can hold our lives together for another pay period.  Even the days I take off are counted and rationed out so I can have enough to last the year to go to all the functions and trips that are necessary to meet the needs of all the other people around me.  I have to allow for unexpected days when a kid might be home sick from school, an out of town family emergency or to plan for that once a year trip to visit dad.  There are days when it seems like every action I take to for someone else and I suddenly wonder "who is taking care of me?". 

It is coming up on two years now that my Mom has been gone, but truthfully she would have told you that I was the type of kid she never had to worry about, so why would she worry about me as an adult.  The physical distance between us also made it harder for her to connect with her grandchildren and be a bigger part of my life when I needed her to be there.  With my Dad's dementia, he is fading and can not offer me the support that I seem to be searching for at times.  My brother is busy taking care of my dad and that is more important right now.

Is that my problem or is it the same for everyone?  It is so easy for me to believe that everyone else is more important than me.  Shouldn't I be important to someone once in a while?  Is it selfish of me to wish that there was someone here to take care of me once in awhile, someone else to make a few decisions, someone else to make dinner tonight, someone else to put their shoes back on to go make that last late night pickup or someone to simply just put me first.  Is it selfish to think that in my world of home, work and activities that I still feel like the loneliest person in the world?  Am I supposed to be brave, smile and keep my chin up every day?  Or is it OK to be selfish once in a while, to wallow in self-pity and wish my life could be different? 

I am still looking for that manual that tells me how I am supposed to be living this life but I have not found it yet.  Maybe my library just has not received their copy yet, so if anyone knows where I can find it let me know.  I look for words of wisdom in my faith, and in the experiences of others, and I take what I can, but words on a page just can't compare to a well intentioned hug and knowing that for a moment you have nothing to worry about.