I spend almost every hour of every day taking care of someone else's needs. I wake in the morning, force myself to do my treadmill work, so I can stay healthy for everyone else, then the rest of the day belongs to someone else. I have to get the kids up and moving, off to school, practices or church and then I head off to work. At work, I am the "parent" there as I am the only female working with up to 20 males and my position is one where I know everything that is going on so I am the one everyone comes to. I keep things moving smoothly there and keep everyone on course. Then it is time to head home, I need to pick up someone from here or there while trying to get some kind of dinner on the table.
My day does not end there. Time to do homework, laundry, dishes or any of the thousands of other tasks that may be screaming to be accomplished. In any of the free time I have during the day, I am doing research and reading current legislation to keep up to date on the criminal system that I am now a part of. Writing my husband his daily letter is the last thing I do just before I go to sleep. Before I know it, it is time for bed so I can start it all over again the next day.
Don't take this as a complaint because most days I enjoy having a job and a goal to keep me moving and thinking every day, but I also understand that a person can not keep doing for others.without sometimes taking time for themselves. I have learned to recognize these times in myself. They seem to solve themselves in one of two ways, either I have a melt down and have to take a "me" vacation or my mind seems to just shut down and I don't want to think.
My little vacations may be just parking myself in front of the television for the afternoon and doing absolutely nothing, or maybe just doing something that I want to do regardless of what other people think. Hanging out in the hammock reading a good novel or spending the day with friends who do all the cooking are other vacations I have taken. It ends up being a time when I don't spend all my time worrying about what I should be doing or who needs me to do something.
The times when my brain seems to shut down are a bit more difficult to describe, I have been going through one of those times most recently. My mind does not want to put forth any information, the thought of writing another letter just seems to overwhelming. I don't want to read another article or news story, I don't want to deal with any major problems at work. All I want to do is learn...seems odd, but it is during this time that I am drawn to the library and I come home with a stack of books to read. My mind is a sponge that needs to be wrung out because it is too heavy, then once it is empty it needs to be refilled with something different. Fiction novels, biographies, self-help, inspirational, any thing that is going to relight the spark and get me moving again is fair game.
I need to be refueled, I need to find those powerful words that are going to inspire me to keep going. I need to feel reassured that this too shall pass and that we will all be the better for it. I need to know that there are people out there who face far graver situations than my own and yet survive and flourish.
I have finished 3 or 4 books this week and have a few more to get through. I actually read 2 or 3 at a time. I always keep one in the car for the hours I spend waiting to pick someone up from someplace. I write down words and phrases that inspire me and feel the energy coming back.
I need to get there soon because I am off to spend some time with family. It has been a year since my mother passed away and we will be getting together to remember her. I may need one more trip to the library for something really, really funny to make me laugh out loud.
I am not sure if any one way is better than another, but I am sure that they are better than doing nothing at all. It could be pretty scary if I did not find a way to regroup. I am learning to read my own emotions and learning how to handle them in a world in which I seem to have little direct control, I am just following the flow of the river and trying to keep from falling out of the raft.
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ReplyDeleteI have been reading your story and I have to tell you the first time I found your blog, I cried. Bawled even. Your story could be mine,there are so many similarities, even down to the search warrant (throw in law enforcement showing up at my house at 6 am to arrest my husband 4 months later- at that time my kids got on the bus at 6:30. I tried to keep them upstairs, getting ready for school, but they knew.). I am not as far into the journey as you (my husband, a good man who made some very, very poor choices- is waiting to be sentenced but is incarcerated), but have experienced almost everything you have (even down to losing one parent and having the other struggle with dementia while everything else is happening). So I feel your pain and want you to know that by sharing your story you made at least one person in this world- me- feel like I am not alone (and it has been over a year since that was true). Thank you.
That was one of the reasons I started this blog, was to feel that I was not alone in this. Just pick up the paper (which I seldom do now because my expereince tells me they only print what they think will sell, not the truth) and you can read about families suddenly finding themselves in this situation. I looked everywhere for people in the same position. It took me a while, but I found some very positive resources that have helped me. Feel free to e-mail me directly at katemest@gmail.com. I am always looking for more friendly people out there...especially those who have been in my shoes.
ReplyDeleteBingo on the newspapers (learned that from day one of this ordeal)! But the silver lining is that they seem to move on to sensationalize and half-truth something else very quickly. This is your same anonymous poster, by the way. I do plan to send a personal email, but you know how it is with doing it all (kids work, everything!) alone. I've only been at this for a few months (separated two months last week), and I admit we are all still in that adjustment phase. It seems to take much longer to respond to a message or do just about anything I used to accomplish so quickly. I know it will get better....it already is...Anyway, just wanted to let you know I am still out here. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteEven though they move on to some other story they think will sell or garnish readers, the damage has already been done and so many people believe everything that they read that their opinions are forever changed. I admit that I may have been one of those people that really never put much thought into how truthful the stories really were, until it affected us directly. Now I watch and read the news with a healthy dose of skepticism.
ReplyDeleteMy story is a little different. My boyfriend and I were just friends before he was locked up. He was with his daughter's mother, and I was married. When he started his incarceration we started writing, well lets just say, now we are facing life together the best way we know. Having a loved one in incarcerated is so difficult, although I agreed to it from the beginning I never had a clue how hard each day can be. Thank you for putting your blog out there, I have read each one and you are such an inspiration. Thank you Thank you Thank you
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