Results of the Visit

Second post for today because I did not want to sound all doom and gloom and I did promise to talk a little more about the results of our visit.

One of the most noticeable changes since the visit, believe it or not, has been with my 15 year old. He had the most anger and seemed to be the most distant at times. Part of that, I am told is just because he is 15. He was not openly looking forward to the visit because in his words "More crying", but I managed to keep that in check and had a virtually tearless vacation. I think he had the opportunity to look around the visitors room and see all the other kids there visiting their dads. Suddenly he was not the only person in the world going through all of this. He was impressed with the way his Dad had looked and how he was trying to improve what he could. Mind you, he would never admit this, but I think that is how he felt. The benefit for me is that he is a different kid at home now. Yes, he still picks on his brother and sister and gives me grief about not having the right kind of mayonnaise, but there is a change. Suddenly the lawn is getting mowed without me asking, he is even commenting that it needs to be mowed again.

He is suddenly more responsible and being helpful with the bigger stuff. He still whines about emptying the dishwasher though. I have come home from work and he has started dinner or has made more of an effort to find a ride occasionally for all his practices. Don't get me wrong, he is still 15 and sometimes a pain but suddenly I am seeing glimpses of the man he will someday be and I like what I see.

The phone calls now are harder. I don't know if I can explain why. Is it because I don't know when I will see him again? Or is it because we did see him, that it reopened all the wounds that we had finally gotten past? Is is a reminder of all the feelings, and that we can't be together as a family? I want to be able to take the kids more often to see him, I want to see him more. The calls are a reminder that we can't do that. I am anxious for a letter in the mail, or the day when I know he will call, then he calls and the beep that signals the end of the call is coming and I seem to fall apart. It has been almost 8 months, does this ever go away?

The kids are more relaxed in knowing where their Dad is and what it all looks like. So they are not as stressed about the conditions, although just last night my daughter talked about what things would be like and when Dad could come home, so it is always still in the back of their minds.

I have become much closer to Rick's aunt and believe that she is the added blessing from this trip. We e-mail often and she keeps up on how the kids are doing and offered to help out with all the back to school supplies.

Hopefully I have shared enough of the positives of the visit with my husbands parents, that they would be inclined to visit him as well. They are planning a trip to the area but have not fully committed to a visit. I just remind my husband to not be disappointed if they do not come and enjoy whatever time he has if they do.

We have all changed after the visit and for the better I think. We do not know when the next opportunity for a visit will come along but we will adapt to the new feelings and situations that we now face everyday. Hey...we have made it this far.