Concerns as The Time Ticks Down

Most people would expect us all to be excited and looking forward to my husband's homecoming, and for the most part we are.  But it would be foolish to think that the upcoming reunion does not come with apprehension for all of us. 

My soon to be 16 year old daughter was only 10-11 when this all started with my husband, and even though she sees him on our yearly visits and talks with him on the phone and via email, she has a much different memory of him being home with us and being her father.  Her expectations are formed by her experiences with him as a young girl, her experiences with other male role models and friends fathers as well as the views that kids pick up watching TV.  She admitted to me the other day that she is concerned that our whole life style will change once he comes home.  She is fearful the the life that she has grown accustomed to will be changed drastically and not for her benefit.  She is worried that a whole new set of restrictions will be placed on her just because her father is coming home.  It took a long conversation, and multiple ongoing discussions to reassure her that our basic life routines will not change.  It is now up to her father to find his place in our current lifestyle and not for him to come home and dictate how things will be.  We also talked about her not being afraid to share her concerns directly with her father.  I explained that this will all be new for all of us and the best way for it to go smoothly is for all of us to keep the lines of communication open. 

It was not more than a week later when my college freshman was video chatting and he suddenly asked what was going to happen when dad comes home.  I did not understand at first but then realized that he just meant what should he expect when my husband comes home.  To be completely honest with him, I had to admit that I had no idea what was actually going to happen and how things would eventually play out.  There are just way to many unknowns and it is not like I have ever been through this same situation before.  I actually think he was reassured a bit with my own uncertainty.  I really could not give him any solid answers that he was looking for, but we did discuss different situations and how we expected to handle them. 

Not to be left out, I did take the opportunity to discuss with my youngest, the same things that I had shared with his siblings.  I reaffirmed to him that he needs to share any concerns he has directly with his father without the fear of hurting his feelings.  There is a great amount of repair and healing that needs to take place and it will only happen if everyone remains open and keeps their feelings in check.

I too have my own apprehensions but many of them are tied to how this will all effect the kids.  I can take care of myself and things will work out for me but keeping an eye out for them and making sure this goes as well as possible is the job for the adults.  I am however, truly blessed, that I have children who are able to so freely discuss with me any problems that they have.  Sometimes I have to bite my tongue and count to 20 to keep the responses rational, but we have all learned to be so much more than we used to be.  I am more open and so much more patient and I think that makes me a better mom and friend.