Thoughts From Inside A Federal Prison

I am not writing today's entry, recently I decided that I would put a challenge out to my husband that I thought would be of value.  I challenged him to write an entry that I could post from him.  I asked him to use his words and give his perspective about what our lives are like right now from his view inside the barbed wire fence.  I found some very interesting thoughts in there that even I was not aware of so I hope you find some value in it as well.  All that follows is his entry as my guest writer.

It has been two years now since I left my family.  I remember that cold, snowy January morning like it was yesterday.  I gave my children a goodbye hug as they headed off to school not knowing the next time I would see them.  They knew I was headed to court for sentencing.  My wife and I headed out for one of the longest 40 minute drives of our lives. 

In the courtroom I had the support of my wife and one longtime friend.  There was another small group of community members who watched and preferred that I receive the maximum sentence plus some.  I had done everything I was supposed to do in preparation for this day and prayed that I would be spared.  The judge then ruled for 5 years in prison starting that very day.  I was not going home.  My wife and I exchanged tearful goodbyes.  It felt like someone had just ripped my heart out and threw it away.

For two months I was bounced from one facility to the next until I ended up at my permanent prison.  At that time I was finally stripped of my street clothes, they were boxed up and mailed home.  I can not imagine how my wife felt when that box arrived. 

Then the letters started coming from my wife and remain coming to this day.  She records the daily activities for her and the kids and sends photos of all the important moments.  I was told by the other guys here that it was inevitable that after a year she would move on.  There would be no more letters except the divorce papers.  I had not met but one or two other guys that still had solid marriages and began to wonder if they might be right.

Well it has been two years and my wife is my true friend and love.  She is focused on the time when I will be released and we can spend time together.  I truly had missed the true meaning of LOVE in our relationship prior to coming to prison.  I lost touch with my family, faith and respect for myself.  I have turned to my faith as a source of inner strength to help me reconnect with who I want to be.  I will be a better man, husband, father and friend when I exit these walls.  My wife and family deserve that from me.

My wife has gotten connected with a support group that has turned out to be the greatest group of people.  I know they have given her the strength to carry on her everyday activities.

My message would be that you do not realize what life provides you until it is taken away.  Stop and look at your life and communicate with your loved ones.  When you touch your spouse or hug your children imagine having that taken away from you.  There are nights when I lay awake wanting to hold my loved one's hand and wish for someone to say that everything will be OK.  It never happens and I can only hope that I will see them in my dreams.  Life is short and we all need to use good judgement when making choices in life.  I know I will.