A Year Older, But A Year Better?

September, it is the time when the kids head back to school, summer is quickly becoming a distant memory, the leaves will change colors and fall very quickly and it is also the month I turn another year older.  Birthdays were never really celebrated much in my house growing up so I never really expect much.  Although there is still that small hope that hides inside that this year, your birthday will be the best day ever.  I try not to let that hope grow too much because then I would definitely be disappointed. 

Now especially, when the one person in the world, who is supposed to care about you more than any other person, is unable to do anything for you, who is left?  This year I will not even get that one card from my Mom since this will be my first birthday without her here.  Your birthday comes and goes quietly and maybe one or two cards in the mail, but for the most part a pretty uneventful day.  Don't get me wrong, I am not expecting party clowns, surprise parties, or even a thousand gifts.  I would just like to know from the people that mean the most to me, that I mean the most to them. 

Ideal gifts would be coming home from work to a clean house, dinner made and a nice dessert from the kids.   A few phone calls or messages from the rest of the world letting me know that I have not been forgotten.  I spend my life taking care of three wonderful kids, holding down a full time job and trying to keep my husband a part of our lives as best I can that I get lost in everything that I am doing for everyone else.  I would like someone to take care of me and care about what I think just for a few minutes. 

Not sure how things will play out this year, but I have already told my husband that he has a bunch of making up to do when he comes home.  So I will just add this to his list. 

But am I better in addition to being older?  I would like to think so.  I am much more patient with the kids (although they probably would not agree), I am much more tolerant of other people, I have learned to forgive,  I have learned to go without, I have learned to appreciate the little things in life, I have learned to accept help when it is offered,  and I have learned to ask for help when I need it (although it is still very hard to do).  I find myself standing taller and laughing more.  I approach life much differently than I did just a few years ago.    I am confident that we will get through this and yet we will all be OK and be a family again when we get to the other side. 

So am I better?  Yes.  I would have to admit that I am a better person because of everything we have gone through.  Every bump, every road block has affected me in a positive way and made me grow as a person.  Like a piece of coal under great stress and force, a diamond eventually emerges...so here's to hoping I do not crack under the pressure.