Reoccurring Theme

There seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life these days...forgiveness.  Everywhere I turn and around every corner it is staring right back at me.  For the last 2 years I have been battling the questions of forgiveness:  Why have I forgiven my husband?  Why can't others forgive him? Why do people question my ability to forgive? and on and on.

I am not sure I can begin to understand the answers to any of these questions.  Clarissa Pincola Estes was quoted as saying “How does one know if she has forgiven? You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.” and that seems to sum it all up for me. Looking back on my life I realize that I have always been willing to forgive others, wishing that the best in them would win out.  And yet, I would be so confused as to why some people could not forgive anything.  I have members in my own family who have carried grudges or anger with them for decades.  Don't they realize that it is themselves that they are harming.

The same goes for society as a whole, we are quick to blame, point the finger, gossip and belittle those we feel have wronged the world, but carrying that within yourself only affects your own quality of life.  There is a point when your emotions only affect how you live and no one else.  Those negative feelings affect your health and your own personal relationships but ultimately they no longer affect the target of those feelings. 

Believe it or not one of the hardest people we have to forgive in our daily lives is to learn to forgive ourselves.  We are not perfect and I know I am not, but I strive for perfection and yet it is always just outside my grasp. Forgiving my own failings has been a lesson in all of this as well.

I have learned so much on my journey and yet have so much more to learn.  I have found people who forgive as easily and love simply.  I have found that I am more patient with imperfection, although still hardest on myself and I have found true joy in being able to tell those around me that I can offer them my forgiveness.  And true forgiveness is a gift both given and received.  Forgive today's imperfections, for tomorrow offers the opportunity to begin again.