It has been awhile since I have added an entry, things have reached a calm period right now. Spent thanksgiving with my dad and had a chance to spend some time with cousins. Getting together with them was wonderful. I was able to laugh, have fun and talk about the situation with my husband with people who really care about how we are doing.
Facing the Christmas season alone has me feeling overwhelmed and sad most of the time. I am trying to put on the appearance that the holidays are a joyfully time of the year. I embrace the reason for the season so much more than some that I would not mind skipping the hustle and bustle of the holidays and just celebrate the religious aspects of the season, but unfortunately I could not do that to the children. Christmas is a many faceted holiday and to take that away from the kids would not be anything I could live with. As it is, it is going to be a skimpy holiday for gifts.
Not to sound so down, things are actually going pretty well, at least as well as can be expected. The kids are thriving, and performing well everyday. All of them had an A average for the first quarter in school, all excel at their fall and winter sports and are still able to live everyday finding joy in what they do. My oldest has his first girlfriend, and is slowly becoming an adult. I have my small circle of friends who keep track of me and make sure we are all doing well. But no one can really appreciate the loneliness that I feel when I sit back and realize that I am still without my partner and will be for almost 4 years.
As I write I think of so much more to add, but they are long enough to be topics themselves, and I will save them for another day. The calmness scares me because history shows me that the calm never lasts...eventually something sends everything spinning.
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