My Life In a Country Song

Thought I would have a little fun...

Our love is unconditional; we knew it from the start.

I see it in your eyes, you can feel it from the heart.

From here on after, let’s stay the way we are right now,

And share all the love and laughter

That a lifetime will allow.

I cross my heart and promise to

Give all I’ve got to give to make all your dreams come true.

In all the world you’ll never find a love as true as mine.

You will always be the miracle that makes my life complete,

And as long as there’s a breath in me, I’ll make yours just as sweet.

As we look into the future, it’s as far as we can see,

So let’s make each tomorrow be the best that it can be.[1]

You feel like a candle in a hurricane

Just like a picture with a broken frame

Alone and helpless, like you’ve lost your fight

But you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright.

Cause when push comes to shove

You taste what you’re made of

You might bend til you break

Cause it’s all you can take.

On your knees you look up

Decide you’ve had enough

You get mad, you get strong

Wipe your hands, shake it off

Then you stand, then you stand

Life’s like a novel with the end ripped out

The edge of a canyon with only one way down

Take what you’re given before it’s gone

And start holdin’ on, keep holdin’ on.[2]

This world ain’t fair

It can knock you on your butt

You can just lie there

Or you can get back up

You gotta get back up.

There are times in life when you gotta crawl

Lose your grip, trip and fall

When you can’t lean on no-one else

That’s when you find yourself

I’ve been around and I’ve noticed that

Walking’s easier when the road is flat

Them danged ole hills’ll get you every time

Yeah, the good Lord gave us mountains

So we could learn how to climb.[3]

When life held troubled times, and had me down on my knees

There’s always been someone to come along and comfort me

A kind word from a stranger, to lend a helping hand

A phone call from a friend, just to say I understand

And ain’t it kind of funny at the dark end of the road

That someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope.

Oh well I believe there are angels among us

Sent down to us from somewhere up above

They come to you and me in our darkest hours

To show us how to live, to teach us how to give

To guide us with the light of love.

They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places

To grace us with their mercy, in our time of need.[4]

The first time I laid my eyes on you I knew

We’d spend this life side by side

I still feel the same though you’re so far away

I swear that you’ll aways be my

Forever love, I promise you

Someday we’ll be together, forever love

I won’t give up no matter what

I’ll be waiting for  you, forever love

Minutes and hours and years may go by

But my heart knows nothing of time

So don’t cry just keep me right there in your dreams

And hold on to these words of mine.

Forever love, I promise you

Someday we’ll be together, forever love

I won’t give up no matter what

I’ll be waiting for  you, forever love

Love is the road to our destiny

Nothing can change

What is meant to be, forever love

Oh, I won’t give up no matter what

I’ll be waiting for you, forever love

I’ll be waiting for you, forever love

Forever love.[5]

When everything is goin’ wrong

Don’t worry, it won’t last for long

Yeah, it’s all gonna come around

Don’t go let it get you down

You gotta keep on holding on

It’s ‘bout as bad as it could be

Seems everybody’s buggin’ me

Like nothing want to go my way—

Yeah, it just ain’t been my day

Nothin’s comin easily

Up—up—up

Can only go up from here

Up—up—up

Where the clouds gonna clear

Up—up—up

There’s no way but up from here.[6]

It hurts my heart

To see you cry

I know it’s dark

This part of life

Oh, it finds us all

But we’re too small

To stop the rain

Oh, but when it rains

I will stand by you

I will help you through

When you’ve done all you can do

And you can’t cope

I will dry your eyes

I will fight your fight

 I will hold you tight

And  I won’t let you fall

Don’t be afraid to fall

I’m right here to catch you

I won’t let you down

It won’t get you down

You’re gonna make it

Yeah, I know you can make it.

Cause I will stand by you.[7] 

But life’s not the breath you take

The breathing in and out

That gets you through the day

Ain’t what it’s all about

You just might miss the point

Trying to win the race

Life’s not the breaths you take

But the moments that take your breath away.[8]

And, hey, God, you know what it’s like to lose

Someone who you truly love when you gave your son to us

You must have cried then too

You have your ways, you have your plan

Sometimes mysterious and hard to understand

I am humbled by your grace and everything you do

Hey, God, hey God, I just wanna thank you.

Sometimes I forgot to stop and bow my head

And remember that I have been blessed.

Oh, you have your ways, you have your plan

Sometimes mysterious and hard to understand

I am humbled by your grace and everything you do

Hey, God, hey God, I just wanna thank you

Thank you.[9]

[1] “I Cross my Heart” George Strait

[2] “Stand”Rascal Flatts

[3]“Mountains” Lonestar

[4] “Angels Among Us” Alabama

[5] “Forever Love” Reba McEntire

[6] “Up” UP  Shania Twain

[7] “I Won’t Let Go”  Rascal Flatts

[8] “The Breath you Take” George Strait

[9] “Hey God” Lonestar

We Are Not Defined by Our Past

I recently had the opportunity to attend a symposium organized by Sheila Rule.  The organization she runs is called "Think Outside the Cell".  One of the main messages of the event was that we are not defined by our past and we are not defined by our mistakes.  There was a number of wonderful speakers, all of whom were well versed in all sides of our current justice system.  They spoke about all the flaws in our current justice system and how they have started programs to make changes for the better of all.

The United States currently incarcerates the highest percentage of it's population of all the super powers in the world today.  Is that something we should be proud of?  I don't know about you, but I am not thrilled with thinking that the US has a higher population of degenerates than all the other countries of the world.  I do think it is simply because we have become a society that wants vengeance instead of punishment with rehabilitation.

The main theme of the day was that people should not be defined by what they have done in the past but who they are now.  If we were defined by our past we would all be called crybabies who do not like to share and are immature emotionally.  However, we are all allowed to grow, learn and improve to become better individuals.  Then how come some people are not given the same consideration when they have made bad decisions and choices as adults.  People are found guilty, or plead guilty, and then serve their sentence, but they are not allowed to come home and start a new life.  They are forced to carry their crime with them forever because they are not allowed to move beyond what they did by those around them.

Since when have we become a society that does not offer a fresh start to those who have served their sentences.  How many of us can remember a time when we made a mistake and someone gave us the opportunity to make amends and move beyond our mistakes?  Should it make a difference whether it was a small mistake between friends or something considered illegal?  The same opportunity should be granted to everyone. 

Just some thing to think about in this time when families are being affected, budgets are not balanced because of excessive spending on costs of incarceration versus alternatives and, taxpayers are footing the bill for all those behind bars.  No one wins.

Two Would be So Much Better

Weekends likes this past one make me long for the future when there will be two parents in this family to help share the burdens as well as the joys.

Friday night we all were off to watch my oldest play in the football game.  His senior year and his first time on the football team. Being the pure athlete that he is, he of course is excelling at this sport too.  I will admit to not really understanding the game in detail, but I get the idea, so as long as I can see, I know when I should be cheering for him.  It was cold and damp but the rain held off.  What a joyful evening watching him have fun and do well.  Yet another child was cold, complaining and ended up falling asleep in the car, and the third just hung around as watched the game.  How joyful it would have been if his father had been there to hear everyone cheering for his son and seeing his son having such a wonderful experience, never mind having someone else to carry all the blankets, umbrellas and clothing, and someone to share those blankets with.

Saturday morning up at 7 am and off for a 45 minute drive to a cross country invitational.  Got there in time for the starting gun to go off and see my son start his run. I was there to cheer him around the first turn and again when he beat his time from last year crossing the finish line.  I had enough time to meet up with him, wait for him to put on warm, dry clothes and decide if he was going to stay with the team or leave with me.  Off we go for the next item on the agenda, home to get my daughter up to school for her afternoon soccer game.  What a cold game...sitting there with glove warmers, umbrella and blankets watching through the rain drops and then don't I get a phone call from my older son who said he was stuck in the Wendy's parking lot because the car would not start.  I had to leave my daughter's game and drive into town to try and figure out what was wrong with his car.  Last time I checked I was not a mechanic, but with the help of AAA we were able to get it jump started and home to fix the problem.  I was glad to be there to help my son but at the same time upset that I had to leave my daughters game.  Only one of me and three of them, pulls me in so many different directions.  Being able to share that responsibility with someone else would be such a relief.

I hate having to pick and choose which child is going to get my attention, my daughter was upset and my son was complaining about the time I spend with my daughter.  My daughter and younger son will have more years with their father home, hopefully he will be there for a large part of their high school careers.  My oldest son is on the verge of adult hood and heading out into the world on his own.  So deciding where to spend my time is sometimes decided for me.

They are just teenagers with no real grasp of the world so I try not to get upset with them, but at the same time try to convince them that I am only doing the best that I can.  I am one person trying to fill the shoes of two.  Things will never be truly equal, in their eyes I will spend more time with one, more money on another and babying the other.  But any parent knows that each kid is different and requires different things from their parents.  My time will never be equally spent at one child's game or another's,  money will be spent based on necessity and availability, the ability to get another ride or distance to travel and the emergency always gets my immediate attention.

The kids are the big losers here and I try so hard to keep things in balance that I am torn and end up feeling bad that I can't be everything and everywhere for them.  We all have disappointments in this that we need to learn to live through, but maybe in the future things will be a little bit better when we are all a family again.

Another Year of Firsts He Will Miss

What a busy time of life.  The school year is underway once again, but what makes a difference this year is that my oldest is a senior in high school.  This is his final year of high school so it is a year of many "firsts" yet to come.

My daughter started her first official year of high school, and my youngest turns 13 in a week.  Though most would look on this as another busy school year it is so much more.  My son already had his senior pictures taken and of course I will send as many copies to my husband as possible but again it is another thing my husband will miss.  Upcoming this year we have college exams, college applications, SAT and ACTs, senior yearbooks, senior trips, prom and senior recognition nights for each sports team throughout the year.  How, or even will my son recognize or even pay tribute to the contributions that his father has made in his life prior to his incarceration? Will the anger and the fact that his father is in prison now negate all the other good from the past?  Does he stand tall and proud when they announce both his parents or does he succumb to the external pressures and leave his fathers name off?  If so, not only is my husband unable to be here physically but he will not even be here in spirit.  The negative influences in the community would have won and successfully erased my husband from the general consciousness.

But my son continues to surprise me and step up by making the right choices.  It will be hard time for all of us. I never claimed that doing what is right is always easy.  I probably spend more time thinking and worrying about these things than my kids do or even my husband does.  The kids don't think much past what they are wearing to school tomorrow much less the upcoming school year and my husband doesn't think about much of what is going on here since he is so disconnected from what we do everyday.  But because I am stuck between the two worlds I spend time worrying about and thinking about what is to come.  I have had enough surprises that I am always preparing for every option.  If I can take one small second of time and feed my son one little tidbit of thought that will help push him in the right direction then I will take that opportunity. 

There are things I don't dwell on with my husband, I tell him what is going on but do not always go into great detail.  Sometimes I think that sharing too much with him will only make him feel worse about not being there for his family.  I don't always share the worst, like how I might be struggling this week with shut off notices, or the best, like when we spend a glorious afternoon with friends laughing and having a wonderful day.  I think the highs and lows for us would all equate to lows for him so tempering what I share is important to me.  How much do I share with him about this monumental year for my son?  It will be so busy at times for me that I may have to pick and choose what I pass on.  Keeping in mind that I still have two other children who also have busy lives that time and attention needs to be balanced.

My husband will never get this year back and hopefully my son can forgive his absence because my husband will be home when the other two children celebrate their senior year of high school.  But my husband will also have a life time to make up for that on his own.  It is not my job to repair their relationship, this is way too big for me, it is my job to keep their minds and hearts open to each others point of view.  It may take years for them to heal the wounds but I pray for that day and it is in the hope of that day that I continue to worry, fight and be a nag.