I realize that it has been such a long time since I made a post, but I am at a time in my life where things are almost normal and thought it was time to update the site.
After 30+ years of marriage, three wonderful children, a five year stint in Federal Prison, a long awaited homecoming, a chance to reconnect, a new son in law and grandchild, we are filling for divorce and moving on with our lives.
There is so much that lead up to this point that it would probably take another ten blog posts to write about all the influences and issues that ultimately found me sitting here typing this. Yet, I am stronger than I have ever been, so much more financially secure, (which is all of my own doing). I would have never been able to walk away from a 30 year marriage and think that I could survive on my own, had I not been forced to do it all on my own not so long ago. And for the record, it was by my urging that we separate and consider ending the marriage. The time had come and I knew it was coming, I just needed to get my heart and my head on the same page.
I don't know if he is happy, and have learned over the years that he doesn't register emotions very well, so I am not sure if he even knows if he is happy or not. I, however, have discovered a freedom and joy in life that comes with leaving the stress and worry behind. I am starting to live my life for myself. All the kids are out of the house and living prosperous lives, growing our family with marriages and grandchildren. I am taking this time to explore the world and all the life has to offer me. I am doing some traveling, some dating, and exploring new hobbies and spending more time on old hobbies as well.
My soon to be ex-husband and I are very amicable for a number of reason, one being that no matter what we have been through, he is still the father of my children and we will forever be connected. I also do not need anymore anger and toxic feelings in my life so I choose to let it go. Friends think I should hate him but I will leave that for others. My life is far better treating him with kindness than hatred. I do not know where life will take him but I wish him only well.
I should take the time and fill in all the gaps that lead us to this place, and I may take that time, one post at a time. I remember way back in the middle of all the turmoil, talking with another wife who ultimately ended up divorcing her husband, thinking that it was so sad that after all they went through they could not make it work, and yet I sit here in the exact same spot. Let me tell you, that I am glad, looking back on it all, that things have worked out the way there were supposed to and I discovered that I love me! That is a gift that only a few people can truly appreciate.
