Lately it seems like I do not have the time to stop and breath, being a single parent with 3 active kids, my days are full. Up in the morning getting everyone out of the house, mostly on time, and then off for a full day of work myself. Quick stop at home to pick someone up, grab a bite to eat and then off to someone's game or meet. On the days when I don't have a school activity there is usually something in my own schedule, whether it be a group meeting or trying to find time to get the grocery shopping done.
It is all a blessing right now. It was a full week after the dreaded January anniversary days when the police first came into our home and the day my husband was incarcerated that I realized that I had not even given those 2 days another thought. This was the first year that those 2 days came and went quietly without an acknowledgement. I did think about them early on in the month, knowing that they were coming up, but when the time actually came, I was too busy to remember what those days have brought.
To be honest, part of the reason they slipped my mind this year is because the focus has now shifted for us. We are looking forward to the end of this year when my husband may be closer to home in a halfway house. We are looking forward instead of focusing on the past. There is so much ahead of us that there is little time to spend thinking about the events that have put us here.
Last night my oldest son played his last high school basketball game. I did not even realize that I would never get to see him play again until almost the last quarter when it became apparent that their run was coming to an end. Now we move on to baseball, there are no more sports seasons for him after that. Once baseball is over, school will quickly come to a close and then begins a new time in his life. Another change that brings about big adjustments for us all. Trying to squeeze every moment out of the time that he is home with us keeps me busy and sends my mind in so many different directions.
I am not sure that the old saying "Time heals all wounds" would apply. I am not sure it is the passage of time that allowed me to not acknowledge those 2 awful days or it is just that life is full right now. My fear is that once my husband comes home many of those anxieties and worries will come back up to the surface and I will have to learn to deal with them all over again. But for now I am living for today, looking forward to what the future has in store for all of us. I must maintain a positive attitude because I could never live each day worrying about the doom and gloom. Too many blessings are out there every moment that I would miss.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
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