Two Would be So Much Better

Weekends likes this past one make me long for the future when there will be two parents in this family to help share the burdens as well as the joys.

Friday night we all were off to watch my oldest play in the football game.  His senior year and his first time on the football team. Being the pure athlete that he is, he of course is excelling at this sport too.  I will admit to not really understanding the game in detail, but I get the idea, so as long as I can see, I know when I should be cheering for him.  It was cold and damp but the rain held off.  What a joyful evening watching him have fun and do well.  Yet another child was cold, complaining and ended up falling asleep in the car, and the third just hung around as watched the game.  How joyful it would have been if his father had been there to hear everyone cheering for his son and seeing his son having such a wonderful experience, never mind having someone else to carry all the blankets, umbrellas and clothing, and someone to share those blankets with.

Saturday morning up at 7 am and off for a 45 minute drive to a cross country invitational.  Got there in time for the starting gun to go off and see my son start his run. I was there to cheer him around the first turn and again when he beat his time from last year crossing the finish line.  I had enough time to meet up with him, wait for him to put on warm, dry clothes and decide if he was going to stay with the team or leave with me.  Off we go for the next item on the agenda, home to get my daughter up to school for her afternoon soccer game.  What a cold game...sitting there with glove warmers, umbrella and blankets watching through the rain drops and then don't I get a phone call from my older son who said he was stuck in the Wendy's parking lot because the car would not start.  I had to leave my daughter's game and drive into town to try and figure out what was wrong with his car.  Last time I checked I was not a mechanic, but with the help of AAA we were able to get it jump started and home to fix the problem.  I was glad to be there to help my son but at the same time upset that I had to leave my daughters game.  Only one of me and three of them, pulls me in so many different directions.  Being able to share that responsibility with someone else would be such a relief.

I hate having to pick and choose which child is going to get my attention, my daughter was upset and my son was complaining about the time I spend with my daughter.  My daughter and younger son will have more years with their father home, hopefully he will be there for a large part of their high school careers.  My oldest son is on the verge of adult hood and heading out into the world on his own.  So deciding where to spend my time is sometimes decided for me.

They are just teenagers with no real grasp of the world so I try not to get upset with them, but at the same time try to convince them that I am only doing the best that I can.  I am one person trying to fill the shoes of two.  Things will never be truly equal, in their eyes I will spend more time with one, more money on another and babying the other.  But any parent knows that each kid is different and requires different things from their parents.  My time will never be equally spent at one child's game or another's,  money will be spent based on necessity and availability, the ability to get another ride or distance to travel and the emergency always gets my immediate attention.

The kids are the big losers here and I try so hard to keep things in balance that I am torn and end up feeling bad that I can't be everything and everywhere for them.  We all have disappointments in this that we need to learn to live through, but maybe in the future things will be a little bit better when we are all a family again.